“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.”
― C. S. Lewis
― C. S. Lewis
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)
Friday, May 25, 2007
I was looking at some pictures of our new little grandson Sam. Look at how he is engaging his mom at 3 weeks old! His mommy and daddy are his delight. He trusts them fully. He does not doubt that his mommy and daddy will take care of his every need. When he cries, they are there to comfort him. When he is hungry, they are there to feed him. When he is cold they keep him warm. He is cuddled and loved by them and he adores them.
Now, I think our our own dear little girlies. Left in beds. When they cried, nobody came, so they ceased crying. When they were hungry, nobody fed them, so they found other ways to satisfy their most basic needs. When they were cold, they shivered. When they wanted to talk to somebody, there was nobody, so they cooed to themselves, they comforted themselves, they rocked themselves.
To think, that every moment of every day for Sam's first 5 weeks of life now, he has been cared for; I couldn't imagine his needs not being met, even for 5 weeks. That would be terrible!
But, I know, our own dd's needs were not met for YEARS. How can we fathom Years of neglect?
We nearly can't. Our hearts would break.
What amazes me even more is that they are all blossoming into lovely young ladies, full of love and compassion for each other, for their own mommy and daddy, and for others outside of their immediate family.
I am amazed at their capacity to forgive, move on, grow and explore their new world. It IS a new world for them. To see little babies being cared for the way they never were, has got to bring a tinge of pain to them. After we see the babies, they ask if we can rock them. We do.
I cannot make up for their loss. I cannot change their loss. What I CAN do, is grieve for them, with them, and guide them to maturity. I cannot pretend that they were never neglected or that it hasn't effected them in some way. It has profound impact. My prayer is that they will use it as a tool of understanding that most will never know, and not an implement of destruction to continue the cycle of neglect. I have a sneaking suspicion, that they will use it as a tool for the positive.
Thanks for hearing my heart break for them.
Now I will turn around and smile at them, and continue to love them.
They always have a way of mending my heart.