I was thinking today about a conversation I had with a dear couple at our church.
They asked about Erika, and how she was doing. They noticed that she is not sitting that much better than she was before the huge surgery. I had such high hopes that the surgery would cause her to sit better and cause her to walk better. While she is bending a little more, and sitting a little better, it didn't accomplish what I had hoped for in my heart. I had this grandious idea that she would be sitting like me, and bending like me and that her leg would be turned more. The surgery did some important things, like reconstructing the hip socket helps to keep her hip in place instead of going out, but it didn't do much for the onlooker who would be looking for a bigger change.
I have known all along that much of what is going on with Erika's body cannot be fixed this side of eternity, short of a miracle that is. There are those times when I think about it, and mourn for her losses; especially her loss of freedom to completely be independent. And yet there is this part of me that trusts. Trusts the Lord that HE is in complete control of Erika's body and in her future. Who am I to question the creator? Maybe it is meant for another person in her future to be blessed by becoming her caretaker/aide. And I guarantee, it WOULD be a blessing for them. She is the sweetest, kindest, gentlest child. I am so proud of her, and happy for the progress we have made together. I love caring for her. I pray for the person who will come after me and Mike, when we are gone, and she is living her own life, be that person her husband, or her friend.
So when my heart hurts, like right now, I know where to go for comfort. To my Lord.
He already knows.
“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.”
― C. S. Lewis
― C. S. Lewis
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)