“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.”
― C. S. Lewis
― C. S. Lewis
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Speaking of Anniversaries
There are many anniversaries in our lives, some good and some not so good. Children who have faced trauma in their lives have many anniversaries. It might be the anniversary that you were taken away from your parent, or the time you were moved from one foster home to another or when you were moved to your adoptive home or when you went to court etc. etc.
Children, though many times quite young when this stuff happens, have some sort of 6th sense when anniversary time comes around. We have always noticed that there are two specific times of year when our Anna has relived past trauma. One of those times is now, and the other is during the holidays.
Every year, things have gotten better and we are going on year 5. Anna came to us on about her 5th birthday. That is around holiday times.
However, the first year we had her, we were abit perplexed at her behavior in August.
She had been doing great and then all of a a sudden WHAMO, from out of no where these traumatic behaviors showed up.
We headed straight for the rocking chair and she'd just pour her little heart out. Memory after memory.
When we finally got her adoption paperwork in the mail which didn't happen until after that first August, I was flabbergasted to see that her dramatic removal from her mother occurred in August and then there was yet another removal at the end of August from one foster home to another! So August was a FULL month of trauma for her.
So Mike and I were all geared up for this month, expecting to see some difficulties, though not the ones we have seen before. And, pretty much, not a lot happened.... then a few weeks ago, there was a little blip, like with any NORMAL child, and then the events of yesterday and today.....
HERE IS WHAT HAPPENED!
Yesterday, Erika wanted to write about her life. She started to write and started reading out loud her story about being in the orphanage. Anna later came over to me and started to cry. She said, mama, I'm not the same person you think I am. I am not the same girl. I am a new girl. I have been reborn. I was a little puzzled at first but kept listening to her. I rocked her and soothed her and talked to her. In the back of my mind I was trying to figure out what she was saying and honestly, I wasn't sure, but didn't want to suggest anything, so I just listened. (learned that from Mike, he is so great at this)
So then, last night, when Mike and I were going to bed, we noticed that Sarah had climbed onto the top bunk with Anna and they were laying there talking. I sensed it wasn't a time to tell them to stop talking and go to sleep, even though I was tempted as it was 11:30. Anna NEVER stays awake much after her had hits the pillow! So something was on her heart.
Then today, She handed me this: (she used part of a poem and changed words in it, but it is how she feels, and I think she did a pretty good job!)
My Life is Like a Poem
About the story:
Anna is the baby
The two good people are mom and dad
The child is me, Anna.
In Threads of Magic
So its told
A young child was born like gold
To shine for Dad and gracious mom
The small baby did so beam
Two good people smiled
Brought song and beauty to this child.