Once again, and on more than one front, we have been made aware of adoptions of children that are not doing well, and the result is disruption or removal.
I have tears of sadness as I write this because I feel that there has GOT to be a better way, a better answer, a success!
Many families come upon difficult times in communicating with each other, and it is much more complicated when a child who has experienced trauma, is changing culture, language, etc. The building blocks for trust and nurture are not there. EVERYTHING related to family life is foreign to them. It is like landing on a foreign planet that you have heard about, but the experience is something so different from the book.
Parents can educate themselves for the upcoming event of adoption, but the experience can be vastly different than what they think they have been prepared for.
I remember our parent training classes were wonderful, and there was a small section about orphanage behaviors etc. But they were not expanded upon nearly as much as I would have liked. I really think that experienced parents of older adopted children and infant adopted children should actually teach these classes.
I just wonder, if one solution to try and keep families who REALLY want to try to stay together would be to have a group of parent counselors who would be willing to be on an available list to volunteer to observe, and offer help to a struggling family?
There are just dynamics when dealing with IA(internationally adopted)kids that many do not understand or get.
People who are not familiar with PI (post institutional) behaviors may try to offer help and advice that can be detrimental to the family and the children in turmoil, and then cause the family to feel even more distraught.
We all offer our judgments but few of us offer our hearts and helping hands or helpful knowledge.
If you live in an area and know other IA parents in your area, maybe ya'll can band together and form a support group specifically designed to help those coming after.
I am very fortunate to have had a wonderful relationship with our social worker, to have a counselor who lives 5 doors down and is also an IA parent and to have other friends close by who are IA parents. I couldn't imagine how hard it would be to be all alone and not know anybody. When there is a group of parents, information flows and ideas flow and it can be very helpful. We all offer ideas, books, and other various forms of help to each other and it is a supportive atmosphere.
I'm wondering if we should form an official group to support those in our area....
I just want to see people succeed, and especially see kids lives changed for the better.
“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.”
― C. S. Lewis
― C. S. Lewis
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)