“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.”
― C. S. Lewis
― C. S. Lewis
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Human Children! Hello! :)
I took Erika out for a mommy daughter lunch today. I try to take each of our children out once a month for mommy time, and daddy does the same.
We went to a restaurant during "off hours" so we didn't feel rushed and just sat and adored each other.
(for those of you who don't know, Erika has arthrogryposis (malformation of the joints) and 4 months after we returned home, had to have both of her feet amputated because she was in so much pain)
So here is this bright, beautiful, smart, and did I say sweet little girl sitting before me, and I posed a question to her.
"If somebody were to ask you, 'What kind of kids are available for adoption in Ukraine?' what would you say?"
She rolled her beautiful eyes and said, "Human children, Hello!" :-)
cracked me up.
She then went on to talk about being in the orphanage where she never had a visitor. Her orphanage was not popular for adoption, and during the 4 years she was there, she saw 5 of her friends leave, including Sarah. (her sister now)
(Erika's first four years were spent in a "left to lay room". Her actual
paper work doesn't even show her existence during that time. Sarah was found in a TB sanitarium and didn't even get to an orphanage until she was 4. She was adopted by another family on her 5th birthday, and she came to us 6 weeks before her 6th birthday due to an adoption disruption)
She said, "I never expected anybody to love me. I used to cry at night because I knew I would never be chosen, because I am like this.... (speaking of her body)
She continued, "But then you came. And I KNOW you love me." "I was so shocked that it was ME that time. I couldn't believe it! I never, ever thought it would happen to me!"
So we sat and sipped our cokes and had chicken enchiladas and adored each other's company. Mother and daughter, bonded by love for each other forever!
I couldn't be any closer to a child who came from my body... as far as I'm concerned it is as if she did, and I am proud of her.
I can't help but feel that people miss out so much and limit themselves so much because of fear. My husband and I don't have loads of money or a money tree.
But God does provide for our needs... (note, I said needs.) Trips like Disney World are out of the question, and new things are not important.
We are frugal, and don't really honestly care about stuff......
Kids are way more important.
I just wonder, how many children are there, going to bed at night, weeping alone in the dark, so very, very deserving of our love, yet all alone; knowing they will never be "chosen"?
Why? Because they aren't good enough, perfect enough, pretty enough,healthy enough.... :-(
At the same time, I don't judge somebody who wouldn't take somebody like Erika or Sarah, or even our Anna.... I just figure God had them all saved for me.:-)
I am so blessed. WAY WAY beyond what I deserve.
Oh to have a gold bar in my closet to chip from, and a few extra bedrooms.
(I'm dead serious)
BTW- did I mention we are getting our homestudy updated? :-)