“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.”
― C. S. Lewis
― C. S. Lewis
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
The Tweenies have hit our house like a force!
The girls are turning into ladies before our very eyes! They are maturing in mind and body and we are just in awe at God's wonderful grace in their lives.
The other day, Anna asked to have a mom daughter talk. I love those times with her.
She is sweet and sensitive. She brought the picture frame to me with the 2 pictures of her and her birth mom. The frame had broken and had a crack in it. She asked if we could get a new frame for it.
"Of course we can!" And we did. We went yesterday to get that frame. But before we did, I could see there were questions ready to come. Those hard questions to which there is no answer. The ones that cause pain and tears, and the ones I weep with her over.
"Why did she not keep me?"
"Why did everybody think I was bad?"
"Why did she use drugs?"
"Why did she not give me something to remember her?"
Those questions are so heartbreaking and so hard to answer. I don't know the answer.
I only know that God allowed Anna to go through some difficult times, and also allowed her to come to us and has immensely blessed our home with her presence. Because of her we have Sarah and Erika. Because of her, we have the life we have now. Because of that simple question she asked long ago... "Will you be my mommy?"
When these times come, my heart is ripped out. I am torn, because I want to know too!
WHY DIDN'T she care for you? WHY did she take drugs? WHY?
There are no answers.
But my favorite part is : GOD, in His soverign love for us has touched our hearts, her heart and we are a family in every since of the word.
At the same time she was asking these questions, she was wrapped in my favorite robe and holding on to me, saying, "I love you mommy."
It must be quite strange sometimes, during these confusing times, to be in two worlds.
The world that was and the world that is.
But in a sense, as believers, we are all that way. We live in a world that was, a reality that we were dead in sin and corruption. Yet, we are ALIVE in Christ, through adoption as sons in Christ Jesus!
Though we are very aware of our past, and many times it overshadows our present, we are ALIVE in Christ, and we have NEW LIFE, CHANGED LIFE, and we can live triumphant in HIM.
Anna is very aware that she is loved and cared for. She loves being in the family and has a strong sense of belonging. I strongly believe this will get her through the difficult times as she ponders her past and looks forward to her future.
I just love her to pieces. She is such a gift.