Somebody asked the question is BCLC was compatible with Christianity, as in, if it taught a "false doctrine", how could you use it with your children?
I have been studying this for a while, and I would really like to address that issue, as something has been made very clear to me in my study and I am quite excited about it.
BCLC speaks often about unconditional love and forgiveness; not parenting from a fear base but a place of love. It is not consequence based, Logic based, or control based, therefore the title is, "Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control.
I was reading a book today having nothing to do with this, yet I found it had EVERYTHING to do with it. The Title of the Book was "The Reason for God" by Timothy Keller. In the book I was reading the chapter "Religion and the Gospel". It began to cover the difference between "Phariseeism" vs. "Grace" and how one leads somebody to be accepted based upon performance, and by fear of punishment, where the other, is based upon acceptance because of love.
Let me explain:
Pharisees lives are driven by the despair of sin. They build their sense of worth on their moral and spiritual performance as a kind of "resume" to present before God and the World. The moral and spiritual standards of all religions are very high and Pharisees know how deep down they are not fully living up to those standards. The result is internal anxiety, insecurity , irritability caused great distress and from lack of measuring up. It shows itself in pride, fierce judgmentalism and even self righteousness and defensive criticism. It is based upon fear, of eternal judgment as the pharisee can never live up to a Holy God.
Phariseeism says, "I obey, therefore I am accepted by God".
Grace however, just sounds too easy. Nice deal! I trust, and then I can do what I want. That however is NOT TRUE. Having experienced true grace causes a person to say,
"I am accepted, therefore I obey!" That obedience is based upon the unconditional love poured into us and onto us. The motivation is not from fear of punishment but it is motivated by love and joy. It is motivated by security.
In Christianity I would say, "I am a child of God".
In our Family, I tell the girls, "You are a Minich!"
Grace and Mercy frees us from the bondage of expected performance, to make a life worth living and loving.
In Christianity, we are not accepted because of our performance, but because of a forgiving Savior.
In BCLC, our children are loved unconditionally not based upon what they do or how they perform, but sacrificially loved, laying our lives down as living examples to show a light out of a very dark place. When our children respond to that, it is very much a parallel to what I have written above.
So let's take our children who come to us for acceptance. When they have a warped view of our love for them, which is unconditional, or should be.... or if we give them conditions for accptance, which many times we do.... it can cause them to view themselves as not measuring up, never being good enough, and can lead to anxiety, depression, anger and acting out.
However, if we take our children's behaivors in stride, and see them through they eyes of simple grace, extented to them with loving hearts, patiently showing them we love them unconditionally, not based upon what they do, but we love them JUST BECAUSE, and then accept them, JUST BECAUSE, the results are astounding!
It may take time for them to respond, as they do not initially trust. But when they DO TRUST, and I promise, they do.... the result is so delightful, the relationship, so delightful, and all of the barriers are broken down. You have relationship that you never dreamed. Your children come to you and seek you out, they love you, they care about what you think, they WANT to please you and it is an amazing experience.
I see it in my own life before my Lord... I do want to please the Lord, I do care to please him, not from fear but out of gratitude and love.
I see the girlies, and our boys too, in the very same way.
The relationship is free to blossom in love.
“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.”
― C. S. Lewis
― C. S. Lewis
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)