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A Thought

In this life we can not always do great things. But we can do small things with great love.." :) Mother Teresa

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“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.”
― C. S. Lewis


I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)

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Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Survey regarding BCLC

I was sent a link yesterday to a Survey regarding the BCLC parenting style in comparison to the Love and Logic parenting style. I am not sure why the two are being compared, but somebody is wanting to see what works for kids who have had extreme behaviors.

Research is always a good thing. I have come across this question a few times regarding research. "Is there any proven research that this works?" Even though you could have many testimonials that it works, both in your own life, in those of your children, and friend lives and their childrens' lives, it, for some reason isn't as credible, without research. :)

As far as I know, if you are using Love and Logic or BCLC you are welcome to participate in the research study. They have asked that you use only one child in your family who has. or has had, the most severe behaviors.

I have been asked a few times why we don't use "Love and Logic", the program.
My reply has been, "We do use love and logic. But we don't use our logic, or the logic of a program.Our logic is not the logic of our children."
"There is a logic to what they do that makes no sense to us; it is just THEIR logic." :)

BCLC is not a program. It is a parenting style. It looks as different as there are people in the world. The response to a child who neesds us is categorically a love response, but it may not look exactly the same each time, especially depending upon the individual child.

In a program, much of the time you will find a simple "if child does this.... then the response is this."
If child responds this way, your response should be this."

I have seen many programs designed like this, and many times, they work for a while.
It is easy to externally control a small person and make them conform. But be careful.
They may be sitting on the outside, and standing up on the inside.

I think what I like about BCLC, is that it is a shift in thinking, not necessarily a "parenting program". It is not designed to "fix" a child, but to help a parent Parent the child they have better. And when a parent is calm, and loving, not frazzled from a feisty, hurt, kid, they can usually make a much more clear headed decision, with a clear direction on what a child needs.
Much of that time, a child simply needs to know they are heard and understood; that you don't think they are the worst child on the planet, and they are safe with you.

BCLC helps us to understand the "science" behind extreme behaviors. It helps us to understand human development and what can happen in a person who's development is interrupted by neglect, abuse, alcohol or drug exposure, or trauma.
If anything, it sure does help to give a better understanding of what is happening to a child who has this type of background.
It is not limited however, to traumatized children. As I stated before, it works for any situation, even with adults, because it is designed for communication and the building of relationship.
It is a lifestyle, not a program.
If you are using either BCLC or LL, take some time and join the research study. It seems the more who participate, the better the study will be.

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