“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.”
― C. S. Lewis
― C. S. Lewis
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)
Monday, October 12, 2009
Fall is Definitly Here to Stay
It is cool outside. We had a fire once in the wood stove all day and evening Saturday, and it has kept the house comfortably warm since. We are now at 70º. (down from 75 over the weekend)
I love this time of year. It is cozy.... ideas of Harvest, new recipes, the smell of Cinnamon and the fragrance of candles are all around.
The children are deep into their studies and are really enjoying our delve into Ancient Greece.
They are excited about learning, and that makes for a happy mama. :)
It seems that as time goes on, things get smoother and smoother. This time of year, is also the time of year where we had back and forth visits with Anna before she came home for good.
She was also traumatically moved during this time of year while she was in foster care.
So, when she was first with us, these events, the time of year, and the smells, sights, feel of the air, all were little triggers for her emotionally that would send her into a tail spin. Memories would flood in, and she would be upset emotionally, not really understanding why.
At the same time, those memories would come flooding to the forefront and she would verbally
express what she was remembering. It might be as simple as, "I remember going to.... with x"
or "I remember when the lady picked me up and I didn't know where I was going. I was scared!"
"They just put me in a car seat, and then they said, 'Now you are going with these people!'"
I can' t imagine being so little and having so little control. Which is most likely why, she tried her best to control in other ways, and that wound up not being such a good idea. :)
Last week, we had what I would consider an absolute perfect week. I mean, we had wonderful school work , and wonderful attitude, neat hand writing, and general happiness in a fun loving girl. Then, just as suddenly, last night, when she found out that it wasn't her turn to sit next to me during reading time, she got angry and said, "then I'll never sit by you again"..... (what she used to do when she was 5) I was a little surprised.... but after a few minutes of discussion, it dawned on me, she was speaking from the fearful little child that she once was....
I reassured her of my love for her, let her mourn her loss of not sitting by me, and held to what we were doing. At bedtime, I didn't sense she was quite ready to be in the room with her sisters, so I told her she could fall asleep in the guest room and I'd move her to her bed later.
She complied. After her sisters went to bed, I went in and snuggled next to her, and she gave a heartfelt apology for her anger. I let her know we love her always, and she is back to her normal self today. Yea! This is a far cry from years gone by.....
I am really so pleased with Anna's progress. She heartily participated in class this a.m. even though it was Sarah's turn to sit by mom.
The neatest thing about last night, was when I told her, "I love you Anna".. She replied, "I know you do mom. I love you too, and I am really sorry about how I acted. "