I'm going to see a surgeon in a few hours. He is highly recommended by our doctor.
He is a shoulder specialist and works in sports medicine.
How about that? I never pictured myself seeing a sports surgeon. LOL
The checklist I had to fill out was interesting. It asked all sorts of questions like,
can you comb your hair, put a penny on a shelf in front of you, raise a 1 lb above your head, dress yourself etc. I felt like I got an F on a test!
It got me to thinking about another Surgeon. OUR GREAT PHYSICIAN, who has the ability to penetrate into our hearts dissecting our motives, our actions, our deepest of thoughts.
I have been praying that the Lord would give me insight into this dilemma I am in. It has been so painful personally, to be in a "dependent" position. So here I am, the one who takes care of everybody else, having to be taken care of myself. I don't like that feeling. I actually HATE that feeling and I had to look inside. As I have prayed and whimpered and begged for healing, He has remained silent, until now.
My heart was ministered to last night, as we had our family prayer. My own personal sin of "independence" overwhelmed me. My do it yourself attitude, my lack of dependence upon HIM pained me to see. I was actually feeling that I had no more value. A washed up, aging person who is of no good use except to cause expense. These were the sinful thoughts going through my mind. And it is SIN.
I found that I had been getting worth outside of Christ. If my own personal value is anywhere except in HIM, it is wrongly placed. He is the one who chooses to value us; who am I to tell Him he is wrong?
So in confessing that sin, and praying for forgiveness, I am still in pain in my shoulder, I am still in need of help and assistence, but the attitude is changed because the heart has been realigned with the source of life.
I am once again abiding in the Vine.
Thank you Lord for that.
“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.”
― C. S. Lewis
― C. S. Lewis
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)