“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.”
― C. S. Lewis
― C. S. Lewis
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)
Monday, February 8, 2010
Are We Missing The Point?
I have been thinking about the subject of "Sex Education", and how it is taught. Every family is different. Some families are very open, some never mention it and leave it up to the schools.
In Mike's case, his dad left a book in his top drawer, where he knew Mike would snoop, and would then become "educated". LOL
I remember my mom asking me if I had any questions. I didn't. I didn't want to talk about it with her. I didn't know what "IT" was anyway..... she insisted on telling me, and then I was grossed out.
And there was no more discussion. I was only left humiliated again and again and she retold the story of my response to her explanation of where we came from. . "Do you mean you did that 3 times???"
Ok, it was a funny statement. But I didn't know it then.
By the time I was in high school, "Sex Education" was really more about contraception and venereal disease. There was no discussion on marriage or being set apart for 1 partner. It was only about body fluids and function.
And the BIGGIE! How to prevent a disaster! What was the disaster? Not sexual intercourse before marriage, not the emotional damage caused by multiple relationships and partners.... NO! It was the most awful thing that could happen of all! It was the ending of youth. It was the ending of LIFE ITSELF! It.... it was.... It was a BABY! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!
How sad when you think about it. A baby, was presented as the ruiner of life. A baby was presented as strapped on, excess baggage to be mourned and gotten rid of.
This got me to thinking long ago about how to present the long handed down information of reproduction and how God intends our families to be created.
If we only teach our children that the reason to refrain from sexual intercourse is to keep from having a disease or having a baby, we are doing a HUGE disservice to them. All that is going to teach them is to have sex carefully, and with contraceptive protection.
It will not teach them about the values in Scripture that say that Fornication is wrong.
It is sin.
We told our boys that God has reasons for forbidding fornication. They are to prepare us to be separate, and in self control. They are to prepare us for the spouse that God has chosen for us. They are there to prepare us for a family in HIS timing, not our own.
There is much reward spiritually, for following God's plan.
1. Becoming one with a spouse and NO guilt. No hiding. No shame.
2. No regrets.
It is an amazing thing to look back and have no regrets. I have never talked with anybody who had sexual experiences before marriage, without some regret, or emotional baggage.
I want to teach my children that God knows what is best for His Children and that a baby is never, EVER a burden, an albatross, or a punishment.
Teaching sex education to our girls is very different from teaching it to our boys.
We emphasized with our boys, how they must be responsible, turn their eyes from
temptation, and save the pleasures of marriage, for MARRIAGE.
We are teaching our girls about saving themselves for marriage, but also about not being a distraction or a tease. We are teaching them that their value is not wrapped up in acceptance from boys.
We are continuing to teach how the baby that is born in an untimely way, or out of a sinful relationship, will have undue hardship because there was no thought about the responsibility that comes with having sex. This does not mean that the baby is to blame, or should be blamed. The baby is an innocent party and is STILL a gift.
In raising our little kitten, we have had many conversations about what it is like to parent a baby. One of our girlies was feeling rather impatient, because Isabella, our kitten, was being so fidgity and fussy while feeding. I was quick to ask her, if she would be impatient if Isabella were a baby?
She thought for a moment and said, "I don't think I should be a mother!"
I told her, many mothers feel that impatience, but have to learn to not act on it. Mother's find all sorts of areas in their lives that they must turn over to the Lord and ask him to help them with.
And this is a good way for her to see areas in her life that will be challenged when she DOES want to become a mother.
So we looked at our precious Isabella in a new light. Not as an annoyance, but the gift that she is. And our daughter continued to feed her and took more time to give her the attention she needed. And in that moment, I could also tell her about how it is best for babies to have 2 parents, so they can help each other to care for the baby.
If she were having to parent the kitten all by herself, without the help of the rest of the family, just think about how stressful that could become.
Our bigger focus however, is on holiness. and why we would want to follow what God teaches us in Scripture in the first place.
As we teach our children about more mature things, we have learned to not just sit them down to throw some information at them, like giving them, "the talk", but instead, it is more like a continual ongoing natural conversation where there is much room for humor, seriousness, warning and encouragement, always directing them to the ONE who is their real guide through life. HIS plan, and HIS map book for figuring out life, is written in HIS word, the Holy Scripture.
It is so wonderful to have a book of guidance and comfort that we can turn to and glean from at the tip of our fingers.
I do pray that our children and grand children will come to understand how important their marriage relationships will be, and how there is a great plan for bringing our little blessings into our families. I also pray that they will not see sexual intimacy as the focus of their early adult years, but they will put it in its proper place in their lives.
One season at a time, is what I tell them. Right now you are in the season of childhood. Don't be so quick to want to get to the next season, but enjoy this time that God has given to you.
The same goes for the next season and the next. If we don't enjoy the seasons we are in, that is when we get into trouble trying to enter the next season before the proper time.