This subject has been weighing heavy on my heart, before the latest fiasco in Haiti came about, with the supposed "missionaries", taking advantage of a terrible situation.
Children are our most precious gift from the Lord. Children are not given to us by accident. No life, NOT ONE is ever a mistake.
Children are also totally vulnerable to those who have been entrusted with their care.
But there is another vulnerable group. We don't often look at them.
They are the parents. They are the frightened teenager who just found out she was pregnant.
They are the poor parent, as in Haiti, who's home has fallen down. They are the poor peasant in Russia who's life is hard, and they have little money. They are the parents who's child will be born with a disability.
There are many vulnerable times in the life time of a parent, where in the timing of a tragedy, or perceived tragedy, a coerced decision is made under pressure. Everybody knows, you shouldn't make a financial decision under pressure, with the smiling salesman wanting you to sign on the dotted line so you can drive home in a dream car.
The same should be for the parent who is pressured to make lifelong decisions, not only for their own life, but for the life of their child.
Why is it automatically assumed or accepted that a young mother, if she is single, should just give her baby away? In a perfect world, it is of course a best situation for a baby to have a mother and a father.... but we don't live in that world.
In a perfect world, it would also be nice to buy your baby designer clothes and make sure a swimming pool and horseback riding lessons were are on the future agenda, but for 99% of the world, that just isnt' the case.
So does that mean that 99% of the world, isn't fit to parent and only the richest that live among us should be allowed to raise children?
That seems to be the attitude of the "missionaries" who took children in Haiti. They actually approached parents who had children and told them that THEY would give them a better life, promising education, housing and even a swimming pool! (according to Wall St. Journal Article) Tragically, parents who were already
traumatized from the last couple of weeks, gave their children to this group, with the understanding they would probably never see them again. The children were sad and crying and didn't want to be away from their parents.
Could you imagine strangers coming up to your parents and doing this, and being handed over to a stranger to go to another country?
Children are not THINGS. They are connected to their parents. They LOVE their parents.
If these people were really "missionaries", why didn't they go to Haiti and offer to help the parents with food and shelter so that they could rebuild their lives? Why did they not preach the gospel to the parents?
What about the teenage mother? If she wants to keep her baby, which many DO; why do we not help the family? Why do we not help her to stay in school, finish her education and give her aide in taking care of her baby, until she can get on her own two feet? There are many wonderful young mothers who have raised their children well. Not every teenager who gets pregnant is a party queen. One such young lady I know of just got married to a wonderful man. Her daughter was in the wedding and was so excited to be getting a daddy.
I am bothered by the agencies who cater to richer couples who cannot have children, that seem to have a steady stream of young girls who give their babies for adoption. I saw a documentary on this, and I was apauled at the "counseling" given. It was more like a pressure session to convince a girl for 7 months that she would not be able to parent this baby and give the baby all it deserved, making her feel selfish for wanting to keep the baby.
It is NOT SELFISH to want to keep your own baby. It just isn't.
It would be selfish to not take care of your baby. But if you want to parent your own child, that is not a selfish act. It is a sacrificial act.
I am disheartened to find out that there are unscrupulous agencies working world wide to get parents to give children up for adoption, and this is really bothersome. We have enough REAL orphans in the world, without creating an "orphan industry".
How pompous of us to tell somebody they are selfish to keep their own baby if they are poor.
I was in that very position many years ago. My family stepped up and helped me through a very difficult period of time. But what if instead, somebody had told me I was selfish for keeping my children? How horrible to do to somebody!
Adoption is a WONDERFUL thing under the right conditions. Of course we have been blessed by adoption. But I would be horrified if I felt my girls had been sent to an orphanage out of coerscion.
And what about the guilt of the birth mother who is pressured to the breaking point? What about the child who has all the questions about why?
Adoption has more than one face. It is about LOSS AND GAIN. Because of somebody else's loss, we have gain, yet our children always have that loss in their history.
If we REALLY want to help families.... then help them stay intact FIRST.
Then the children who really need adoption services can be helped and we won't be creating a business built upon greed, heartache and disaster.
“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.”
― C. S. Lewis
― C. S. Lewis
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)