This was written with permission from our unnamed sweetie. :)
This flower is very significant. It represents forgiveness and unconditional sisterly love. :)
We had a really fun weekend, too fun. It has also been a while since we have had any sort of melt down, or near melt down, so we were due. :)
A few things that took place this weekend were going to the lake, visiting with friends,going to worship, meeting our new Grand Sons, the Foster Care program, going to see the Movie "Marmaduke" which was rather cute, and the changing of the room. (that happened a little earlier in the week)
I had noticed a child who will remain nameless was a little more "clingy" than normal.
Even in the theater, she wanted to snuggle while she enjoyed the movie. She had also made some claims that I knew were most likely untrue, about some successes accomplished at the Lake, but couldn't prove it, so I didn't say anything. (regarding how far she would walk on a beam)
When we got home last night, it was a little late, and there were a few things to do before bedtime. We had to collect the eggs, make sure Wally was fed and put away in his pen, and make sure the chicken doors were shut to keep them safe from predators.
Sarah is afraid to go out in the dark alone; a fear I totally understand. I had that fear for a long time. So, while Erika was busy getting things ready inside, I volunteered our unnamed child for the job.
"Unnamed can go out with you and then you won't be afraid."
That sent her over the edge. "Mom, you didn't even ask me! You just ASSUMED I'd do it! I don't want to do it!"
I was not pleased, as we should all be willing to serve each other with humble hearts, considering each other more important.
BUT, I did not serve. I just said that our unnamed child would! So, I sat by her and said, "You are right. I didn't ask and I'm sorry. Will you help your sister?" She said she would.
So out they went, and then Sarah came in sobbing. Sarah doesn't cry easily so I figured something was dead. No, she was upset because somebody who will not be named called the chickens "dumb and the eggs dumb". "Why do I have to get the dumb eggs and put away the dumb chickens!" This crushed Sarah, because she loves the chickens. It also shocked her, because Anna loves them too.
So we comforted Sarah and sent her off to bed with Erika. And then it was time to deal with our unnamed child. :)
She was sitting on the couch sulking. It reminded me of what she was like all the time a few years ago. In my heart, I was mad, sad and disappointed all at the same time, yet I felt compassion for her. I was trying to think about what could be bothering her.
We had an incident at the lake recently, that I had yet to figure out..... and then,
it came pouring out of her.
"I'm nothing but a problem child!" WHAT? I was a little surprised. Why would you say that? It's true, that is what others think of me.
So, I dug a little deeper, and it appears she had been harboring a comment made to her by somebody who was mad at her. Words hurt. And children who have burdens or wounds that are not fully healed and take hurtful words right back into that wound and cause a major infection! I have no doubt that the person who said this had been offended in some way.....but words to this effect are not helpful. They are hurtful.
She began to sob as I began to talk with her about truth. The truth is "We are ALL problem children!" "We are all sinners and sinners sin." But our heavenly father sees and knows and loves us and wants to help us." We all have the same problem, including the one who said you were a problem child. :) That is the truth!
She began to sob more, but her sobbing and quivering lips were those of letting go of sorrow and past hurt. Another layer taken away.
As we were talking, I could see the memories of foster care,( our new grandsons are in foster care) adoption,( a boy our children had in foster care had been adopted over the weekend and he excitedly called to tell us) The move to a new room (packing boxes and suit cases) and then me not giving her a choice in how I told her to do something....(I was being bossy), the incident at the lake with the person who called her a problem child, and our neighbor who is rather cantankerous at 85, yelled at the girls on Saturday, all came to the perfect storm.
But I see that storm as a good thing. All those wounds she was holding inside came out, and we were able to deal with them. They started out as hurtful words of "I don't need a family".... and ended 15 minutes later with " hold me, I do need a family, will you stay with me tonight?"
I told her the very first thing.... "YOU DESERVE TO HAVE FUN! YOU DESERVE A FAMILY!"
She wept, no I don't, I'm a problem. NO YOU ARE NOT! YOU ARE PRECIOUS, YOU ARE LOVELY< YOU ARE SWEET< YOU ARE KIND< YOU ARE! I believe in speaking life into our children. I believe we can speak truth into them. All of this is wrapped into the gospel of Christ. "You were dead in your trespasses and sins, but now you are ALIVE! And when you find you are not being those things, seek the Lord. HE WILL HELP YOU IN TIME OF DESPERATE NEED!"
We prayed together, and we reassured her of our love for her. We reassured her that she is no longer alone, and she is safe. We talked about the path of life and the choices we make. I let her know, we LOVE YOU FOREVER, but you must choose the path of love too. And in order to walk that path, you must also choose the path of forgiveness. Do not harbor anger, bitterness, unforgiveness in your heart. Those things will destroy you. God can use your hurts to make you strong, they don't have to destroy you!
Before she went to bed, she asked, "Mama, do you need me to go and get the eggs?" I told her no, they could wait until morning. She went to bed with a peaceful heart and woke up this a.m. our happy girl.
This morning, I was so thankful that Sarah, brought in a flower for Me and for our unnamed sweetie, after letting her chickens out. She has learned to keep short accounts. :) Keeping Short accounts is VERY important when dealing with troubles or offenses against us. (I need to remember this with our grouchy neighbor) We do not have time to harbor resentments or anger. Forgive, and move on. Each day is a new day. Each moment a new moment. Is that not what our Heavenly Father does for us? He is patient and kind. He instructs and corrects, and leads and guides. We fail, and He picks us right back up and keeps us moving into Life.
Love is patient, love is kind, Love Hopes All things, Endures All things, Love Never Fails.
“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.”
― C. S. Lewis
― C. S. Lewis
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)