The question was: What would we have done if she refused to obey at all, AND, isn't there a time for mom said it, just do it?
LOL... I was thinking about that last night after I wrote it.
She has not done that. (refused to obey) But what I would have most likely done is gone with her and asked her to help me help Sarah, and led her by example.
Remember , this is not her normal behavior but one that exhibits when she is very stressed. So, I most likely shouldn't have asked her in the first place, or just asked if she wanted to come along, which she probably would have. But that is 20/20 hindsight.
And you are correct, there is a time for Mom said so that is it. It just isn't that time in crisis mode. Remember the idea of staying present in the moment. If I had demanded she go, had she refused, which I could have, (and she then would have) It would have been nothing more than me exercising my over bearing authority just because I could and caused her to feel even more "entitled" to her wounds. I don't want to feed that, but cause her to face the fact that she is not reacting to anything but her own past hurts. THEN, when it is over, we can sit and clearly and precisely go over the issue and help her see she was being totally reactive and over a totally different issue really. Normally she doesn't mind helping.
When she was first home she didn't want to obey, so we showed her how by example over and over and over.We came alongside and guided her through each thing and then praised a job well done. Most of the time we are a well oiled machine around here. LOL Goals met are satisfying for all.
If a home is too authoritarian, not allowing emotion or feelings, the results can be total rebellion. I do not find that to be healthy or biblical. I also can see that blind following based upon fear can cause a lack of ability to make decisions later.
The goal of loving obedience? YES.... Blind obedience based upon fear? No.
Is there ever a place for fear? yes.... but that is another post. :)
We need to get Sarah a big flashlight!
“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.”
― C. S. Lewis
― C. S. Lewis
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)