I usually don't read psychology today. In fact, I have never read it. :) But today, a fellow adoptive mother sent an article that is VERY MUCH WORTH READING!
The title of the article is "Kidnapped or Saved" How some children feel about being adopted.
It was written after Justin was sent back to Russia by his adoptive mother. The person who wrote the article adopted her own daughter 4 years ago. She decided to ask her daughter, who struggled for a while when she came home, about her thoughts on the subject. It is the first article I have read from the adoptive child's perspective.
I was very pleased to see that she also covered what our children are often told before they come home. Our own daughter was told that we were going to kill her. We were going to sell her body parts. It terrified her. I was so glad that the information came out during our 10 day wait and that with our translator we put her fears to rest. But what about the child who is told this and internalizes it? Our children, being used to bearing their own burdens, many times do NOT share their deepest fears but try to handle them on their own. :(
I was especially interested too in the feelings this little girl had regarding the language barrier. She was terrified that she could not think in Russian OR English! Her parents didn't know she was feeling this way because she was unable to tell them. So things came out in rage.
So many children go through very tough times and they need US, as Parents to step up to the plate and be prepared!
Please read this article. It is a very good reminder for all of us to remember to think outside the box a little bit.
6 comments:
I would very much like to read this article. Unfortunately, your link isn't working. Could you please repost it along with the title of the article just in case they change the URL after you link to it? It sounds like a very interesting and informative article.
Fixed. :) Thanks Diana for letting me know.
I am so so glad you posted this. And I am so so glad this is being acknowledged these days. In my childhood the only thing I was allowed to express by the society in general was gratefulness for being adopted while I felt anything but grateful for most of those years.
Hevel, when I was reading this I thought about you.
I'm glad you commented.
Can you comment further or blog about what you do with your own children to help them express themselves in a healthier way? How much do you share with them about your own life?
You know, the people I would LOVE to have read this article are all the OTHER people who interact with my children. To get teachers to understand the developmental trauma that an adopted child undergoes is just SO important...but usually an uphill battle.
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