“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.”
― C. S. Lewis
― C. S. Lewis
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Child Abuse and Adoption
I was sickened and horrified to read about yet another child abuse/murder case of an adopted child/children. It is just too much.....
We are all capable of much sin, I know this...... and I also know there are stresses out there with parenting that can bring you to the brink...... but honestly, it SEEMS that abuse is just over the top and out of control! I don't know if it is just that there is more reporting of it, but what I came across today really disturbed me to my core.
I was reading about the recent case in Florida where the children were tied up regularly. The twins were adopted, and the family had numerous issues with CPS. But it all came to an end, with a child dead and another clinging to life with severe burns. I wanted to find a local update from Florida so I googled adopted children abused... and came across this. The case of Cassandra Killpack, a 4 year old girl, adopted... not sure where from.....but murdered at the hands of her parents. The first article I read was about how the mom wanted out of prison so she could raise her biological children. They missed her. There was much blame placed upon her 4 year old who was said to have RAD. This family was from Utah and went to therapy at a Utah clinic in Orem. They claimed that they were told to do what they did. The clinic denied it.
However, I wonder......
Frankly, I have read some things that I find downright dangerous and abusive..... placed into the hands of a stressed out mother, I could easily see how things could spiral out of control..... it is the human factor.
I don't know why it is harder to do something out of a place of love and control than anger and hostility..... but it seems to be, even though the results of kindness and self control go FAR with a child who has RAD.
Why oh WHY would a RAD child WANT to attach to a scary, angry person?
There is the recent case of the angry mother who gave her child cold showers and hot sauce, there is the awful case of the little girls from Liberia who were both systematically BEATEN with plumbers pipeline until one of them died and the other was in critical condition..... and the list goes ON.....and ON!
What is sad, is the kids are being blamed.
THAT, I DO NOT get. I DO get that children can have very difficult behaviors. I DO get that it can cause a parent to be frazzled..... but I DO NOT get, how you can come to the conclusion that extreme punishments, exercises, holding positions, forced rages, forcing a child to ask for each and every direction, including if they can have a sip of water or go to the bathroom...... etc. etc. all done in the name of "THERAPY" have EVER made it out of a person's mind, into a book or article and somehow became "professional therapy"..... Where did these people go to school? Auschwitz?
I feel sad for people who have been caught up into these types of child torture, only to find their children harder to reach and further down the path of destruction, because now they can't even trust the one who claims to love them.
There are MANY great resources available for parents who are struggling.... but honestly..... as parents, we need to take responsibility for our OWN actions, our OWN control issues, our OWN temper fits..... and stop blaming our children.
It does not mean anything is easy.. ..... but GREAT things come from GREAT struggle, IF you are struggling in the right direction TOGETHER on the SAME TEAM.....
If you are caught up into some "therapies" that do not feel right, or you are not having success;
or, if you are parenting, not necessarily seeking help, and you are finding yourself frustrated and things are not working.... ask yourself, "How long do I do the same thing and expect a different result?" 1 year, 2 years? "If what I am doing isn't working, WHY am I still doing it?"
If my children have figured out how to press my buttons, why do I have my buttons exposed?
What do I need to deal with before I can help my own children?
It does seem sort of silly to try to help a child not have temper tantrums, when the adults in his/her life are throwing fits themselves.
We are the ADULTS.... WE ARE responsible! TAKE CONTROL! Be Empowered and Energized!
And if you are thinking about adopting, EDUCATE yourself......do your homework, research and investigate.... and PRAY. Sometimes Life can throw us some real curve balls.... sometimes life is hard for a season..... but keep it in perspective. Our children come to us broken and hurt....they didn't get that way overnight and they will not heal overnight. It is a process.... a LONG process.
Scripture: all about love, all about self control, all about relationship......
Heather Forbes - Dare to Love, Beyond Consequences Logic and Control volumes 1 and 2
Karyn Purvis- The Connected Child, and her website.
Clay and Sally Clarkson- Heartfelt Discipline
and Sally's Blog is full of wonderful advice for moms.
CHOOSE NOT TO ABUSE!