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In this life we can not always do great things. But we can do small things with great love.." :) Mother Teresa

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“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.”
― C. S. Lewis


I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)

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Saturday, February 26, 2011

Designed for Love

There are so many hurting children, and adults that have suffered abuse, it just makes my heart heavy.
And that being the case, the case that everybody KNOWS is true, why is it such an issue?  Why do we take  precious little babies, so innocent, so sweet, and cause them harm?  How is it that a baby can in such a short time be effected for the rest of his or her life, based upon the experiences of the very first few years or months of their little lives?  It just makes me feel so angry..... WHY??? 

My heart is burdened, because I know of some folks right now who suffer from past trauma, including my  children; and I know children who are at this time unable to love or even receive the least amount of love because of the trauma handed down to them by their "parents".  
How is it the very hand that is designed to caress and love and serve and hold and snuggle and tickle and feed and change and comfort, can turn into a weapon of destruction upon the very soul of the little person they are supposed to care for?  
The destruction and havoc that child abuse wreaks on the victim is so insidious, so destructive, so encompassing, that were they not some of the strongest people on this earth, they would not survive.

The doubts that child abuse brings into the victim's mind, which carries over into their adult lives, are devastating; the doubts of being loveable, worthy of love, likable, valuable,  having something of importance to say,  worth smiling at, worthy of a home, or clothes or even a  cup of coffee.....
The doubts go deep into the soul.... and the person doubts if God could love them. How could HE? Nobody else has! Those doubts get buried for basic survival.

It takes a long time to process what happens in the early life of a child. For some children, it will be a lifetime of figuring and sorting things out.  When the right time comes, as a parent, you can be there for them, no matter what their age. The great thing is, life isn't over or decided by the time you are 5 or 12 or 15 or even 30. :)  Healing happens and continues to happen, as a person is able to let go, forgive,  trust and move on.  Notice I didn't say forget.  To forget would be to deny what happened. It happened for sure, and we shouldn't forget,  so that we can remember, REALLY remember, not to repeat it!
Now, that doesn't mean "dwell" on it either...... just don't forget.

Not all things should be discussed and talked about just because somebody else thinks you should. There is this idea that the earlier the therapy, the better.  I totally disagree! I hate the idea that children have no voice in this and are forced into therapy that very well may cause further damage, because they are not given the rights even to their own thoughts.  People, all people, big and small, if given the chance will talk about things at the right time, when they are ready.  We just need to be there, and give the opportunity, and LISTEN.

The modern way of talking to a therapist : A simple stranger with a sign on the door, who happens to get a degree in psychology and therapy as a career choice,  listens your deepest wounds and makes a living at it,  just seems WRONG to me.  It also seems so wrong that YOUR pain has to COST you money to share with somebody, because there is nobody to share with! Wow, what a slap in the face!

One of the things that I like about Heather Forbes is that she gives parents tools and ideas to help their children themselves.  Parents are the ones with the relationships of their hurting children.... and building trust in those parents is one of the keys to unlocking a new world for that child; a world of love and acceptance.  If a parent gives all of the healing over to a perfect stranger and stands on the sidelines, how can real healing happen within the context of the parent being truly involved more than a bystander?  Instead of saving up things for a therapist to hear, why not sit down with your child and hear them yourselves?  Why not share, and take on their pain, with them?  

One of the things that we read about in Scripture, is how God took on our Sin, our Pain, our Hurts.... HE absorbed them all, and took our punishment.  He waits with open arms and eternal ear, to hear our hearts, to receive our sorrow, so bear our deepest burdens, to comfort us with all comfort, to love us with unending ETERNAL PERFECT Love..... a love that none of us are capable of showing, as we are fallen creatures and imperfect in every way.

I pray that the Lord will bring TRUE HEALING and RENEWED hearts to those who have been so effected by child abuse and neglect; both parents who are picking up the pieces of shattered little lives, and for the children, who's lives are a confusing puzzle.  May the Lord  make all of our paths straight as we follow in His light and HIS footsteps. And then that image, of which way to go, or which way to turn will be perfectly clear.  Turn to HIM!

Trust in the Lord will all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge HIM and HE will make your paths straight!  Proverbs 3:5.
For your encouragement

1 comment:

Happymom4 aka Hope Anne said...

Good stuff, Christie. Thanks for sharing so passionately from your heart!

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