“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.”
― C. S. Lewis
― C. S. Lewis
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
How Do You Pick Up the Pieces?
At what point, will she feel settled? At what point will we not have to say, "I have to get you one too, or I will need to order your book or here is where you will put your things; when they arrive......
It is heart wrenching to see a child, about to embark on becoming a lady, to be back at the starting gate all over again! So many losses, so little to show for her first 11 years..... just a few boxes that have not arrived.
Hardly any pictures of her past. No pictures from Russia, except for a coveted dvd of her interview, which is now in a language she no longer understands.
Her understanding of English, though she can speak it well, is limited. I find myself needing to explain things and I have picked up on when she nods in agreement that she has NO IDEA what I am saying. :)
So I am getting used to asking her, "Do you understand what I said?" Most of the time it is no, with a shy grin.....
We took the time yesterday a.m. to explain Daddy's joke to her... and when she finally got it, she laughed. :)
I moved a lot as a child.... but my moves consisted of my entire family moving from one place to another.....
Alli's moves have consisted of starting over with nothing but broken dreams and a few belongings; much of what she isn't really interested in keeping. However, we WILL keep them..maybe storing them in the attic.
I seem to remember a little girl named Anna who didn't want ANYTHING she brought and wanted to give all her toys away to poor children, only to change her mind 3 weeks later when it was too late. :)
She talked forever about the dolly that she gave away that said, "Hand". LOL
I know better this time than give things away.
Last night, she said she didn't want any goats or any animals. She didn't want them because she just wanted to forget all the animals left behind.
We talked about how this will not be a solution..... to never have an animal again because you miss your old animal won't heal your heart. But mourning the loss you have, and then opening your heart to love another animal will help a great deal!
I think the same is very true for people. Many children will have been so hurt by former experiences with parents, foster parents, care givers etc. they will close their hearts to ever loving another person.
I am REALLY glad that Alli has not gone so far..... but that does not mean we don't have much work to do. We DO.... Her response to the animals is an indication to me as to how her mind is thinking.
I pray for this dear child that she can attach to a new dog. YEP, we are getting a dog!
Daddy will have the privilege of taking the girls to pick it out. Alli needs more time spent with Daddy for bonding. I had 2 weeks alone, daddy hasn't been able to have that time except for Sunday.....
Of course we have her whole life, but golly I just want her to feel settled.
But truly! Only the Lord enlightening us, bringing our hearts His peace and His Understanding, and trusting His ways will bring about total healing.
Just love all our little Noelles. :)