I have posted about this before, somewhere down there over the last few years. :) But the Silent Anniversary Clock has come to visit.
Many of you know that Holidays can be triggers for bad memories. One thing that helps with this is keeping the children busy creating NEW memories. Each new Holiday brings an old trauma back up to the surface, and we get to know what happened in our sweeties past, which helps us understand them better and better.
One of the benefits of adopting older children is they can talk. :) They can share what is on their hearts and even though they may not know why they are afraid or why they are upset, as they talk through things, all of the sudden everything fits together.
Easter Week is here and our sweetie was excited about it. She still is, but yesterday, we saw her starting to shut down a little bit.... she started talking about her first family. All of the sudden all these memories were raw and there.
She had asked last week about an Easter Egg hunt. "Are we going to have one? Can I hunt for them?"
Yes, and yes! Then she was quiet about it all week. As the week has gone by, she became more anxious about it... and then yesterday: "I didn't get to, because they said I was too old."
Now it is no crime to tell somebody they are too old for something... it may seem perfectly reasonable, UNLESS that somebody has a trauma background and may be MUCH younger than their given age.
In our sweetie's case, this is what we believe is true.
OR, it is something they KNEW to look forward to and then it was taken away because it wasn't something celebrated... each family is different.
We don't believe in Santa Clause, but when Anna came, she was VERY worried about Santa not knowing where she lived. I wasn't about to tell her there is no Santa! That would have been a terrible thing to do. Instead, we took her to see Santa and made sure he knew where she lived; even sent a letter. It was what she NEEDED at that time. There is plenty of time for things to change into a more regular celebration as we CREATE new memories!
Alli is still nervous if the Easter Egg Hunt is really going to happen. She was too old last year. What will be different this year?
I told her that I am going to race her for eggs, because I want candy too! "Don't you think Mama's deserve some of that candy!" She looked shocked! LOL
Yesterday, we took a special trip to the store to pick out her "empty" Easter basket. This will help to ease the anxiety of not knowing if it will really happen, really. She picked out a very nice basket.
So now she KNOWS there is one, and just that simple gesture, has caused her great relief.
Today we are keeping busy with activity, and scrap booking....and tonight we will do more activity to keep her engaged....
(distracted with purpose) :)
We rearranged our pretty eggs into a more suitable jar....and so far, this a.m., it seems that she is happy and relaxed once again...now that she knows there is going to be that basket. :)
We are also CREATING NEW MEMORIES for her to grasp, so that next year, she will say, "Oh yes! I remember doing that!"
“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.”
― C. S. Lewis
― C. S. Lewis
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)