Today, I opened a bag that I didn't know I was still carrying.
You know, how in Heather Forbe's Book "Beyond Consequences Logic and Control" she talks about parents dealing with their own stuff, before they can deal with the kids? I have even written about it here.
And yet, today, I found myself getting stressed, feeling frustration, and not communicating like I needed to, to help the girls understand what I needed from them.
When I was a kid, one of the things we got into trouble for ALOT, was how we kept our drawers, our room, how we made our beds and how we did our chores.
I have been ok in teaching the girls how to do their chores, and keep things clean when they were smaller.
But for some reason, today, I felt like, they SHOULD know how to do things by now. And when I was looking over their room.... I found "dress up clothes" that belong outside in the trunk, HUNG UP, and clean clothes, that I had washed, on the floor, behind the book case, wadded in drawers...... and I started to cry.
I was so frustrated......and then, I found the chess pieces to a very expensive chess board, in the closet loose on a shelf???
So the conversation goes....
"Why are the chess pieces in here?"
They have always been in here....
"Ummm, no they haven't, do you remember what we keep them in?"
Yes... a basket.
"Where is the basket?"
I took it outside for play.....
So the chess pieces WERE in the right PLACE, just minus the container that was supposed to hold them....
I was forgetting that much of my girl's play is still much younger than their age.
I was dysregulated......
I sat down and started to cry and all my little women came around me. They hugged me and said, "I'm sorry mommy"...... which made me feel worse......but better in a way, as I knew they cared.
I was a big fat failure today.
I pulled myself up and went and talked to Mike and he brought out the "hmmm. think there may be something there from long ago?" ugh.....
There is LOTS there from long ago. LOL
So he gave me His ideas on things and how I can keep from getting overwhelmed with the girlie dorm room. :)
He had much good to say and offered some much needed support for a weary mommy soul.
He also said not to worry about getting my expensive tooth fixed. I need to keep my tooth. That was a huge relief for me. I know how hard he works and my tooth is more than a weeks work. :(
Part of me today is also sad because I could not be with my older children while our Ilse had her surgery. She had a G-tube put in today. I feel like a big fat failure there too. But I couldn't cancel a Dr. appointment and a Dentist Appointment and cancel school on top of that..... UGH
The life of a mom with older and younger children is hard. My older children sometimes get my neglect, as the younger children need me. :/
I don't know what the answer is, other than to trust the Lord. He ALWAYS knows. And as Mike said,
"Your bags are heavy because YOU are carrying them." Let them go. :)
He was right.
I feel so much better now...... :)
“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.”
― C. S. Lewis
― C. S. Lewis
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)