Mike wanted me to post about some ideas we were discussing the other day. Many times when we are working with one of the girlies on things, or if we stumble onto something neat, we share it with each other and discuss it.....
I haven't been able to put it into words the last few days because of other worries on my heart, like Ilse, and Tim, and bad memories of long ago. :(
But today, good news! Ilse may be coming home on Sunday! Her pain is under control and she is tolerating her feeds. YEA!
So now, I think I can remember how to write this. :)
Several Days ago, 2 of the girls were having a spat. Most of the time, it is a problem with communication. Alli, many times misunderstands things. She takes something wrong, or she says something that doesn't quite come out right.....
This happened in the morning, and as she and I were talking about it, it dawned on me that she needed something to help her cool down AND get her mind off of her hurt feelings. So, after we talked, and I went through a really good teaching moment about respecting each other, especially mommy.... :) I then told her, "You know what? I think it would be good if you took your computer time now. You like it, and it will help you to calm yourself a little more. " She was already mournful for what had happened, but she tends to dwell on her failures.... I felt that the computer time was a good icebreaker to move into the rest of the day.
She looked at me surprised. "I still get to have my computer time?" She thought I might take it away!
I told her, "Why would I take something away that helps you?" And off she went to the computer.
When I was telling Mike about our successes, he said, "You know.... that is interesting because many times as parents, we tend to look for something to remove or take away, and it may be the very thing our children NEED to HELP them regulate.
It is amazing how ingrained the idea of taking away things to make a point, or punish, is in all of us.
I know that as an adult, when I start to feel dysregulated, I too go for comforts to calm me. I will pray, read, get on the computer, watch a dvd...... interesting..... if it is ok for me, why not them?
I have also heard people say to others who are dysregulated that they should comfort themselves with chocolate, shopping, a massage, take yourself out to dinner, etc...... Folks, these seem like REWARDS to me.
Why do we reward ourselves with something special when we are dysregulated, but for our kids, we tend to punish?
So, just sharing, that it might be good to rethink that.
The very tool our child may need, whatever it may be.... art supplies, jumping on a trampoline, dress up, roller skating, watching a dvd, listening to music, working on the computer may very well be the tool they need in their toolbox to regulate. :)
you can read part 2 here.
“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.”
― C. S. Lewis
― C. S. Lewis
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)