We are so thankful for our new daughter. She is doing so well.
This month has been especially eventful. We have made HUGE strides in attachment for all of us. Alli has really become comfortable.... she isn't worrying like she did before. She knows she is here to stay. Tomorrow Alli will attend her very first Birthday Party.... yesterday, she walked with her sisters to the store for ice cream....she is so proud of herself.
What I have honestly seen is the transformation of a little girl who was tossed around and had no stability, into a happy child, who knows she is loved and is actually BRAVE enough to love us back.
I am seeing the labels disappear..... Instead, I'm seeing her cute personality come out.... her temperament is part of her personality, and she is learning how to use her self control tool.....
I no longer have to coax her to me if she is upset. She comes willingly. I no longer have to tell her to take deep breaths.... she does it on her own. :)
She has learned to admit wrong, and apologize, and also, and really more importantly, she has learned to forgive others when they have offended her.
This, in my opinion, is HUGE. It prevents holding things in and harboring anger. She is quickly learning to let it go.
Today, she and Sarah had a little squabble about hair bows. Silly? Yes. Alli decided that she didn't want anybody to use the hair bows she brought with her. Of course, she decided it in the middle of Sarah doing Erika's hair. Oh my, Sarah was mad.... "That isn't FAIR! You said they were for everybody to use!"
Alli put them in her drawer and closed it, ending the hair do session.
I brought both girls into the living room. Alli had her turn to say what happened without interruption, then Sarah had her turn without interruption.....
And then Mommy, had to be Solomon.
"Sarah, I know you got frustrated, but it is not ok to raise your voice at your sister." You need to tell her you are sorry.
She did right away, and Alli forgave her.
BEFORE I could tell Alli her timing was bad, and she should have waited if she REALLY wanted to save those things for herself..... she VOLUNTEERED "Sarah, I'm sorry, I was wrong to do that."
"You can use the hair things if you want."
That is when I asked her if she really wanted to save them. We have other hair things I have bought for the girls. She said she did want to save them. So I got out the other hair things, and Sarah used those.
Then Alli put her things in a zip lock back and put them away for good.
And there was no anger harbored or resentment harbored. Only 2 little girls who decided to play dressup and do toenails and fingernails and dressup, and they have been happy to play together.
These things may seem like small things to some, especially if you do not understand the neglected and abused child. But for the child who has that background, these things are huge!
For a child with a history of anger to put that anger away, laying down the tool that they have use to keep a safe distance, speaks volumes!
What can I see in the future?
A life fulfilled!
Healthy Family Relationships!
Alli is the oldest child we have adopted, at 11. Mike and I both were talking about what is considered "older"..... Mike said, "Really, how much do you remember of being 9 or 11? Not much! :)
As Alli grows up, we pray that her memories of torment and destruction, will be replaced with Joy and healthy growth, emotionally, spiritually and physically!
These last 3 months have had their times of struggle and triumph, and we rejoice that the Lord chose to use Us, in spite of all our short comings and failures, to reach a very scared little girl.
To GOD be the Glory! Great things HE has done!