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In this life we can not always do great things. But we can do small things with great love.." :) Mother Teresa

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“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.”
― C. S. Lewis


I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)

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Thursday, June 9, 2011

More Thoughts on Special Needs Adoption

I wrote a post a while back called "The Importance of Adoption and Special Needs"....
Today, I was compelled to write more thoughts on this issue.

A cyber friend is adopting right now, a little girl from Reece's Rainbow, and it has been suggested that this family needs to rethink their decision to bring a special needs child home.  Mind you, this person didn't say anything until now, after the court date, DURING the 10 day wait! ugh

I have to say, I am deeply saddened by this.  I read this a.m. that another family is being attacked verbally by a neighbor WHILE they are gone, getting 2 children with special needs.  They are in the EE country during the waiting time, and are hearing awful things... Folks these are terribly stressful times to be in, without having to deal with ugliness.

I just wonder, if maybe these people who attack in such ways are in a way personally feeling guilt because they would not do such a thing?  I don't know.  But the heartache it causes for those families already stressed by the process can be unbearable.  Yes, unbearable.
What families in process need is our support, love and encouragement.  Children who are traumatized by abandonment, neglect and deprivation and are physically different than the "norm" DESERVE JUST AS MUCH to have a LOVING FAMILY as any other child.....They NEED so much. They need  our coos, our adoring looks, just like any other child does.  They need our unconditional love and assurance, our continued support and energy...our joy and affection.... they are PEOPLE, HUMAN BEINGS !

But oh, I forgot, we live in a society that truly FROWNS on the handicapped. We don't like to see them. It makes us uncomfortable.  We don't like to think, that there are MANY, MANY children both HERE in the United States and in other countries that are systematically NEGLECTED because of their disabilities, and many have spare rooms, HUGE homes, sitting EMPTY.

How could anybody argue against loving another person ??   
One of my most memorable experiences in dealing with this sort of thinking, was when we were at the American Embassy in Ukraine. We walked in with our daughter and some man turned and saw us. And with a look of "disgust" as if he must have thought he was God's gift to humanity (LOL)  he said, "Oh brother, how much is THAT going to cost me!" 
I have to say, I felt a fire burn within me that I had never felt in a long time. (Not since somebody said something rude about our son)  Mike whispered in my ear, "Down girl"...... I was searching in my purse for a quarter to throw at the guy...... just IN CASE she might cost him a quarter. She hasn't cost him a penny.
But that attitude, UGH, makes me so fuming angry.  What makes us think we are BETTER than another human being? What makes us think a "beautiful child" deserves more love and attention than a child who isn't beautiful to look at?  And who decides what is beautiful anyway????

As parents we FIND beautiful things about our children to admire; sweet baby toes, cute little noses, sweet noises they make, an expression, the way they hold a bottle, the way they give hugs, or the look in their eyes."  There is something beautiful about each and every person who lives and breathes.
The IMPORTANT type of beauty is what is inside, in the heart.... as we all know the quote, "Beauty is only skin deep", or "beauty is in the eye of the beholder"..... the truth is:  "HE MAKES ALL THINGS BEAUTIFUL in HIS time!"
I can't wait to see the little ones who are coming home, flourish..... That my friends is BEAUTIFUL!

So, if you know somebody who is adopting a child with special needs, please ENCOURAGE them, so they don't have to say, "Get thee behind me Satan!"  Please give them the benefit of the doubt that they MAY have thought this through, and are intelligent enough to make a decision that might be different from your own!
Honestly, I worry more about people who want the "perfect child, under a certain age, with no history of alcohol, abuse, neglect, with blonde hair and blue eyes and that will adore them from day one. And don't forget the measuring tapes to make sure head circumference is correct and they are on some sort of "chart"....."  I call this "FANTASY LAND....
EVERY CHILD from an orphanage has had NEGLECT, many have been abused, they are ALL traumatized no matter HOW many toys the workers show you, they HAVE ALL been rejected......
AND, there are NO PERFECT CHILDREN, bio or adopted.
Babies do not rock back and forth in cribs in repetition because of the great care they have received.
And yes, there are many good workers in the orphanages... .but they are underpaid and overworked and there is NO WAY they can care for so many children.

God has not given us life to use just for ourselves. He calls us to serve, to love, to give.......
Our lives are NOT our own.  And there is deep and great joy in the service of the King.
And an added benefit?  LOVING, HAPPY,CARING  and THRIVING children! :)

Why would any loving human being want another child to sit and rot?


Anonymous said...

Love the post. Here is a recent post I wrote that sort of speaks to the same thing. Encouragement is so important.



.:♥:. tyraelynn .:♥:. said...

I LOVE this post. Even outside the adoption world there are many people making snide and rude remarks about the special needs and those taking care of them. I see this often in my own life with my cousin who is "special"! Just walking around town you get funny looks or rude comments and it REALLY bugs me. In your post you said something that is SO true for many people... but shouldn't be. You said, "what makes us think a "beautiful child" deserves more love and attention than a child who isn't beautiful to look at?"" I agree 100% with this. NO child should be ugly to look at and in my eyes they are not. We are all created uniquely in our own way. It disturbes me when i hear someone point out my cousins physical appearance or her ailments! She is the sweetest girl i have EVER met! And so many people deny her of their love because they refuse to get to know her. Very good post!

Keri said...

Christie! I am SO glad you wrote this and for very selfish reasons! A few "well-meaning" (yeah right) friends have questioned why I am adopting a child with FASD when there are some "normal kids at that orphanage." I've also had a few question my ABILITY to raise a child with FASD. I might just print out your post and carry it with me so I can whip it out and make people like that READ it! You really have a way with words ( and heart.) I just get so mad, I get speechless.

My soon-to-be son is beautiful inside and out and worthy of a million kisses and a trillion " hugs and limitless "I love yous"!! I honestly think that people who say things like this are being used by You Know Who to exact his purposes. Best to run away FAST than even give them the time of day:)

Love you , THANK you!

Christie M said...

Thanks all, Tyraelynn, we have had the stares most of my life. Our son, who has Cerebral Palsy was stared at all the time.... our favorite one though, was the guy at Target who LITERALLY TOOK OUT A RACK OF CLOTHES!
I have never laughed so hard. Erika was so amused... She asked me, "Should we help him pick them up?"
Looking back, we should have.... but I figured he was embarrassed enough. He literally was walking forward and looking backwards.... :)

You are so right that ALL kids deserve our love. FASD is what it is. Not every kid who has FASD is violent and hopeless....I honestly do believe how they are parented will have an effect on how they develop. Repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, is the way an FAS child learns. And they DO learn.... It may be that they will not be the next FORBES 500 executive, but there are plenty of jobs needed where a child with learning disabilities can work and function.

Our own son who had severe brain damage has been able to overcome MUCh and teaches high school! Took him a LONG time to get through college, but he did it!
I think Daniel is a handsome young man, and you can see his tenderness. It comes through in his pictures.

You Are Still Holy