One of the great things about being a parent; you never quit learning. I have been learning to be a better parent for 32 plus years now, and I'm still learning. :) There is always a way to improve, because there are always ways to fail!
Why are there always ways to fail? Because Humans are Human! This means our kids fail AND we fail.
We are all in the same boat! And with my analogy from the other night on saying you are sorry; folks who know a water fall is coming, do everything they can to turn away from the danger!
In the same way, if one's parenting style is not working, ESPECIALLY with a child who has a trauma background, or emotional baggage or RAD, or any other label, it seems to make sense to do everything possible to NOT go over the epic waterfall!
If What you are doing is NOT working, then, how is doing the same thing, day in and day out going to change anything?
Time for a new way to think, and a new way to parent!
Obviously there are tried and true BIBLICAL objectives held in Scripture that we MUST obey and abide by.... "Be Kind!" "A SOFT Answer turns away WRATH!" "Fathers, DON'T Exasperate your children!"
"Father's Don't FRUSTRATE your children!" (I did this one today) "Encourage one another" "Pray for one another!" "Be patient" "Be forgiving" "Be long suffering"
"Teach your children" "LOVE your children" "Be tender hearted"...... these are OBVIOUSLY parenting paradigms that are a must in the ole' tool box! and the list goes on and on and on.......
It is so interesting how scripture does not say that you should be harsh with your children.
It does not say to lash out at them in anger. It does not say to make them angry. It does not say to punish them for every wrong they do. It does not say to yell at them. It does not say to be disrespectful to them or to take all of their rights away as a human being. It doesn't say any of those things.
And it CERTAINLY does not say to hit them with a wooden spoon, or punish them for not obeying the very first time.
What it DOES say to parents is to discipline them. To teach them, with the methods CLEARLY layed out in scripture on how to treat others.
Children are PEOPLE, not objects. Sometimes I think people treat their animals better than their children.
God is our heavenly Father. I have heard many times people say, "God spanks us"..... really? When?
How? Are you talking about the loving correction of the Holy Spirit in our lives? The conviction of the soul through the reading of the word? There is correction in there, but it is a loving correction of a Father to His child.
In teaching our children to love each other and to be loving, we MUST be that example to them.
Just as God has been that example to us.
Tonight, I think some of that teaching payed off. Tonight I over heard Alli and Sarah talking. Alli said something about her adoption being final and she wanted to celebrate. Sarah said, "You know what Alli? Do you know what it means? It means that you are my sister for EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER... and I'll love you FOREVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER......and there were a few more EVER's thrown in for good measure.
I called Sarah out of bed, and told her, "I am really so happy about what I heard you say to your sister tonight. :)" She said, "Mama, she needed to hear it!" :) And then I couldn't resist getting them both out of bed for a photo. :)
I think we ALL need to hear it again and again and again...... I really do! "I love you FOREVER, FOREVER, FOREVER.... and MAKE IT SO!
"His Mercies Are New Every Morning"
“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.”
― C. S. Lewis
― C. S. Lewis
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)