I have never raised girls. I grew up in a family of girls and a little brother, and my memories of girls were way different than my experience with raising boys.
I believe much of the difference had to do with parenting style, yet, there are some things that cannot be dismissed.
GIRLS are more emotional, more observant, more in touch with the invisible.....They are delightful, yet mysterious. They can be happy one minute and the next be in the depths of despair.
Is it adoption? Is it female? Is it early trauma? YES. :)
What can we do? We can be the constant in their lives that they need us to be. We can choose to be the rock, the lighthouse that doesn't move in the midst of the storm and crashing waves of emotion.
Soooo, does it sound like we are dealing with some things? Yes... we are. :)
Yet, at the same time, both Mike and I see our sweetie who is struggling in the big picture. Right now, is right now....it is not next week, it is not next year. When Mike and I were talking today, we were so on the same page! It was awesome. When a challenge comes up, we get together and pray, brain storm and come up with a plan. I love my husband.
I have been comforted by many friends who have tread this path before us.... and I am so thankful for their wisdom.
It has been a time for introspection. Where can we improve? Where can I change? Do I need to reach THIS daughter differently? There are some things I can see that I may need to tweak.....
And you know what? That is OK! I am growing too as a parent. I never cease to learn. :)
I love my girls. They keep me on my knees. :)
We didn't go into parenting and especially into adoption because we knew that the outcome would be perfect and we would shine like stars.... We are not saints, we are not perfect, nor are our children.
They are lovely girls, each and every one of them!
We have had so many things thrown our way in the last couple of years..... I am not surprised in the least that our sweetie is reacting. She has dropped several hints on her pain including the loss of her dear Uncle, her Grandfather and grand mother and then her beloved pet goat. :(
We do not underestimate the impact of bringing in a new sister either. Even though we were all in agreement, we knew there would be adjustment. And now that Miss Alli is so very, VERY settled.... it is time to focus on our other sweetie. :)
She needs us. She needs us to love her through this difficult time in assessing her life. She is in the midst of conflict in finding herself; finding who she is; finding how she belongs.
I love her so very, very much.
I remember being her age and the anxt of change....making friends, learning about clothing, learning about feelings that make no sense.....Oh my, girlhood is complicated! It is much more than dresses instead of jeans.
I pray that we get through these years that are upcoming with a greater wisdom, a greater understanding and with a greater faith. And I pray that our sweeties continue to feel secure and accepted, even though their beginnings were so very sad.
We serve an amazing God who uses ALL circumstances in our lives to draw us to Him. I am also reminded just how much He loves us. When we are faithless, HE remains faithful! This resounds in my ears... because as an adopted daughter of the Most High, I have been faithless before..... I have questioned HIM, I have ignored HIM, yet HE remained faithful and perfect and loving and constant in my life. :)
HE is our perfect example. :)
May we endeavor to be more like Christ.
"His Mercies Are New Every Morning"
“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.”
― C. S. Lewis
― C. S. Lewis
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)