“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.”
― C. S. Lewis
― C. S. Lewis
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Mom A Super Hero????
Instead, we had a perfect storm brew.
Joe called. I love it when he calls. I don't get to see him because of how far away they live.... so a call is like a breath of fresh air!
Why is it that sometimes there is this 6th sense with kids...."Mom is on the phone, so we can get a little crazy!"
That is what happened.
Miss Alli decided to snot off to somebody, and then that person got upset and before I knew it there were bossy girls and hurt girls and my phone call was being interrupted.
Have you ever tried to have a conversation where you didn't want it to end, but you needed to guide 4 young ladies in various forms of upset into your room to lay on your bed while you finished your call?
Wow! My fingers are powerful! Snap! Point! x's 4 and everybody was in the room.
Anna even went and got the camera! LOL
Everybody was in pretty good humor except for Miss Alli. She THOUGHT that Anna and Sarah were leaving for a walk without her. They weren't. Anna tried to get her attention so that she could invite her for the walk, and she was already mad. That is what the commotion was all about. There was no telling her anything different and then she lost it and started to yell and talk back.
So, I sent Anna and Sarah for the walk, after I hung up from talking with Joe.
Of course Miss Alli said, "I DON'T CARE!"
Well I know she does.....or she wouldn't have been so upset.
I SHOULD have let her stay in her room to cool down after she slammed the door. I didn't..... Instead, I walked into a bee hive with one very large angry bee!
I asked her to come with me.
I asked again and tried to take her hand.
She recoiled and followed me into the room and then proceeded very angrily to lunge towards me.
Well, you see, I have this training that I never thought I'd have to use. I got the training years ago!
It was so fast, I don't know what happened, but she was no longer lunging and I was holding her in a tight, safe manner.
I let her know matter of factly and rather LOUDLY, she was NEVER, EVER to do that again!
I think I shocked her.
This ole' body doesn't work very well. But it worked this time. And it worked well!
While we were facing each other, I also let her know that I knew she was needing to vent, needing to raise her angst up to have a release of pressure, but that is NOT how we do things. Breathing works MUCH better.
While we were there, and I had not let go, because she was too mad, I let her know that I was very angry. I was angry at myself for not waiting for her to cool down. I was angry that she was so angry. I was angry that TRAUMA had taken over, and I was angry that I was angry.
SO, here I am telling her.... I am sorry, I should have let you stay in your room and cool down, but it is NOT ok what you are doing, it is NOT ok for you to act this way, IT IS NEVER EVER ok for you to put your foot in my face or your hands in my face. (she did not kick or hit me)
I had Erika bring the small mirror over for her to see herself. She wouldn't look. I wanted her to look.... I told her she was beautiful and capable of much good, but she was also capable of much wrong....as am I.
As she began to calm down, I let her know exactly what I expected of her and made sure there were no misunderstandings. She was to go into her room, get it straightened up, and then get on her bed and wait for me to come.
She is cleaning her room right now. I walked into her room and she was sedate and calm. She was actually almost cheerful. Her release of energy that she so needed to get rid of, was gone and she felt better. Of course I KNEW that was what she was doing..... so why did I react?? I have a very vulnerable button. I know it is there, it always has been. I cannot handle having anybody touch my face AT ALL..... I can't say why here, but there is a reason. It is my own personal trauma.
I strongly do not like tension!
So, I decided to diffuse myself.
"Miss Alli, do you know that you have a very special mama?" puzzled look.
"Did you know Mama has special training?" more puzzled look!
"You don't think just any ole' mama could get you under control do you?" smile
"Did you know Mama and Daddy are super heroes?" grin
"You've seen Daddy's super hero underwear! You don't just get those! You EARN them!"
(Daddy has several pairs of SH undies... :) The girls always laugh when they fold them)
And then a few minutes later.....
"Mama, are you really a super hero?" :)
This post was mama and Alli approved........
We had our talk. Alli was very sorry.... She was upset with herself for her behavior. We talked a little bit more and we did look in the mirror together. I wanted her to see herself when I told her how much I love her and how special she is to me. She looked.... she looked away......she looked again and then we held each other for a long time.
And no I'm not a super hero. I really didn't follow protocol and feel like I walked right into a trap I knew I shouldn't. Why did I do that? I don't know, but I DO know, I don't want to ever have to use my super hero training again! :/