A Breath of Fresh Air

Over the last week or two I have seriously needed a breath of fresh air...a new desire, a refreshing of my spirit. 
I have had to come to terms with my own frailness, inability, insecurity, and lay them before the Lord.
I needed to be washed in the Word  and renewed in my heart and mind.

There are times when it is just so hard, dealing with pain, both physical pain for me, and emotional pain for some of my girls, which is also emotional pain for me and for Mike.

Sometimes I get lazy, and can fall back on old ideas.... I knew yesterday I was at that point. I went into the office and told Mike, "maybe she just needs an old fashioned SPANKING!"   This coming out of my mouth, reflected in Mike's face....

 LOL  and then his wise words.... "and how would that help?" :)It wouldn't, in fact I KNEW it would only cause hurt and would not build relationship or communication.

So, I became very aware that I was trying to parent on my own strength. This is something I do NOT want to do!
The thing is..... nothing that has been happening under this roof is unusual or out of the ordinary! It is just kid stuff, a little bit of RAD (reactive attachment disorder) thrown in here and there with FASD, Dyslexia, language differences, math problems,  and some preteen stuff to boot, X's 4. :)

You're darn tootin' I better be on my knees! LOL  But I wasn't. Not like I should have been.  And you know what?  I was not responding like I should have when little situations popped up.  I found myself reacting, being impatient, I found myself requesting respect , being demanding...... and I found that I didn't like what I was seeing either in result or personally.  Demanding respect seems so silly to me. It is EXTERNAL.... when what we really desire is an INWARD respect and desire to honor father and mother.  That is the LONG term goal.  Short term demands can be detrimental to long term desires. 

As I began to weep sob in the privacy of my room and repent, I found renewed strength. As I began to confess my mistakes, SIN, before the Lord, my spirit was lifted up, and I was renewed so that I could be the mom GOD has called me to be.


It was so interesting seeing everything just LINE UP in an amazing way yesterday afternoon, which has carried into today. :)  In fact, today has been a GREAT day!

I think our failures are not the end of the world though.... I think our children can learn from US, in how we deal with our own sin and our own baggage.
I talk a lot about MODELING, and that is exactly what happened.  They began to model me, once again. In fact, they were modeling me all along! Yikes....

Last night also resulted in our little Alli, truly confessing her heart and sin, and really discussing it well. We got a VERY strong sense from her that she really wants to do well, and she DOES.... she just gets stuck sometimes and sometimes needs a manual reboot. :)
She needs ME to guide her, and I can't do that if I'm stuck at the bottom of the cliff with her!

Who's gonna hold the rope?? LOL

So today, I feel so refreshed. I am so thankful for a godly husband who is MY anchor too.  He loves all his girls. :)

This was a very good lesson for me, that I MUST remember from WHOM my strength comes!
I am but dust.