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Wednesday, October 5, 2011

The Disturbing World of the Pearls

 JUST IN CASE!! TO MAKE IT CLEAR::::: I THINK THE PEARLS AND THE BOOK TO TRAIN UP A CHILD ARE EXTREMELY DISTURBING .  What I have written below are excerpts from the first book and a little from the website.   CM

I was challenged the other day, that I was being unfair to the Pearl's teachings and that it was unfair that they were being brought into 3 recent murder cases.  I think it would be safe to say there are COUNTLESS child abuse cases where they are "center stage".
So, what I did, was take it to heart.
I decided that I would go back and read the ORIGINAL book that I skimmed years ago and decided it was not for us.
The newer book, I have not read, and may need to get to compare.  What I did notice in the Lydia Schatz case, was that her parents had the old version of the book. I didn't see the copies of the other families involved.
The website still contains information that was so disturbing I had tears reading it.

Michael Pearl gets upset and says people are taking what he says out of context. He says that he has never advocated beating a child. He says he has never advocated child abuse and people just don't understand what he is saying.  So, I took that to heart.  EVEN in HIS BOOK, he says this.
But his book is very schizophrenic.  He says that, and he also says the opposite.

 You really do need a tutorial for his book, because the words he uses do not mean the same things that you would think they do.
His opening premise is and I quote IN CONTEXT:

"Training does not necessarily require the trainee be capable of reason; even mice and rats can be trained to respond to stimuli.Careful training can make a dog perfectly obedient. If a seeing eye dog can be trained to reliably lead a blind man through the obstacles of a city street, shouldn't a parent expect more out of an intelligent child?  A dog can be trained not to touch a tasty morsel laid in front of him,. Can't a child be trained not to touch? A dog can be trained to come, stay, sit, be quiet or fetch upon command. You may not have trained your dog that well, yet every day someone accomplishes it on the dumbest mutts. Even a clumsy teenager can be trained to be an effective trainer in a dog obedience school."

So, there you have it.  Pearl compares children to mice and dogs.  And a couple of paragraphs later starts with TENNNN--HUTTTT!!!!! He believes in training children like you would for the military. NO thinking allowed!

My son Joe commented that, "Military training is specifically designed for out of the ordinary circumstances like WAR, so you don't think and will do something dangerous and even contrary to your gut feeling.  We don't want our children to NOT THINK!"

Pearl uses the word train = to switch
Pearl uses the word chastise= spank
Pearl uses the word discipline= beat

His words are progressive and to read the book properly, you must know this. When he says TRAIN, he is talking about physical use of plumber supply line, switches from trees.  When he says chastise: he uses both a little harder,  and when he used the word discipline, he even mentioned paddle and belt.

He says quote:
"There is much satisfaction in training up a child It is easy and challenging."  (which is it, easy or challenging?)
"When my children were able to crawl, (in the case of one, roll) around the room, I set up training sessions. "
So he set his INFANTS up so they could be "trained" or switched.....  On his website, I down loaded an article where he described in DETAIL switching his baby at 4 months old for trying to go onto the stairs. He says he switched (him or her) several times and finally layed the switch on the stairs and the baby stayed away from the stairs.

In fact, he suggests having switches all over your house because you will need them on average 4 or 5 times a day! YIKES! REALLY!!!!!  Golly if you had 5 kids, that is 25 sessions a day in hitting kids.
Oh, I forgot, it isn't hitting. They don't hit. They train. (sarcasm intended)

Back to the book:  He has a section called "Come when I call you", where a 10-12 month old baby is in "booty camp"..... yep that is what he said.
He suggests getting them deeply interested in a toy and then going in the other room and calling them.  If they don't come, the father explains the necessity of immediately coming when called....
The baby is returned to the toy and left alone long enough to again become engrossed in the toy. Another call.... father explains , sets child up again. This time, child is "lightly spanked" and "lectured"!  "The father continues this THROUGHOUT THE EVENING until the child readily and immediately responds to a summons. Thereafter, until the child leaves home, he is expected to drop everything and come upon the first call. As long as the parents remain consistent, the child will consistently obey. This "obedience training" is carried out in the utomost patience and concentration. The spanking should not be viewed as punishment but as reinforcement to commands"
Really??? You explain details to a baby and expect them to understand and then spank them???
But when you spank him you aren't punishing him, just training him?????

Frankly, if an animal was trained in this way, it would be a very dangerous animal.

I have  DEEP concern about what he says about children who have not been "trained' at an early age.
TRAIN=switched, especially ADOPTED children.

The following is an exact quote:
To Do My Duty
 When the time comes to apply the rod, take a deep breath, relax and pray, "Lord, make this a valuable learning session. Cleanse my child of ill-temper and rebellion. May I properly represent our cause in this matter."  No jerking around. No raised voice. The child should be able to anticipate the coming rod by your utterly calm and controlled spirit.  At this point, IN UTTER PANIC, he will rush to demonstrate obedience. NEVER reward delayed obedience by reversing the sentence.  (this is so hard for me to type, because I can just feel how this fits in the case of Lydia Schatz and Hana Williams)
And unless all else fails, don't drag him to the place of cleansing. Part of his training is to come submissively. (training meaning switching)  However, if you are just beginning to institute training
on an already rebellious child, who runs from discipline and is too incoherent to listen, then use WHATEVER FORCE is necessary to bring him to bay. If you have to sit on him to spank him, then do not hesitate. And hold him there until he is surrendered. Prove that you are bigger, tougher, more patiently enduring and are unmoved by his wailing. DEFEAT him TOTALLY. Accept no conditions for surrender. No compromise. You are to rule over him as a benevolent sovereign. Your word is final.

He goes on to say.....
"Use your own judgment as to what is effective. I found five to ten licks usually sufficient. Sometimes, with older children, usually when the licks are not FORCEFUL enough, the child may still be rebellious. If this occurs, take time to instruct and then continue the spanking. A general rule is to continue the disciplinary action UNTIL THE CHILD IS SURRENDERED.  A spanking is made effective, not by its severity but by its certainty. Spankings don't have to be as hard where they are consistently applied.Your calm dignity will set hte stage to make it more effective. "

Ok, that is all I can type on this right now, it is too upsetting.  He will use extreme verses about beating and uses the word through out his book, yet then says spankings don't have to be as hard as long as you are consistently applying them?? WHAT?  SO, if they don't hurt, why would a child be in UTTER PANIC???
On his website yesterday in the section "The Rod" he  describes that the backside of a child is where to strike them.. This can be the back down to the feet.
And that is what happened to Lydia and Hanna. :(

My next post will be about his screwed up theology regarding children..... Oh my.... it is oh so perverted and strange.
And then there are NUMEROUS examples of not allowing a child food and various strange ideas on what to do if a child does anything including a baby  cry if they fall down. Oh yes, he says "switch them".  UGH



Holly said...

Michael and Debi Peal are obviously more than a little bit unhinged.

I always wonder why he is not in prison. If he were in NZ he certainly would be. Spanking/smacking is (effectively) illegal here, and hitting a child with a plumbing pipe would certainly be cause for the family to be investigated and the children to be removed to foster care, particularly since he himself freely admits to doing it.

Really, really scary. :(

MoonDog said...

yes I want my child to obey me. but I do NOT want my child to FEAR ME! I am their mother! their parent! their safety! beating the tar out of them will not serve us well! this guy is an absolutely nutcake! and if I beat them daily and they obey will they trust me? will they tell me important things that are a problem to them? I doubt it.

schnitzelbank said...

Oh, this guy is scary. Awful. His writing style is bizarro. Reminds me of Charles Manson. I feel so terribly for his children, and all the children he has (by proxy) abused.

Those poor children.

Unknown said...

I don't understand the Pearls, really. They are really big on one certain Old Testament verse, and pretty much ignore everything else that is written in those books. They pick a verse from Proverbs and build a whole messed up ideology on it zo play out some sadistic desire.

It seriously makes me sick.

Ivy said...

i had to stop reading at the utter panic part..... so upsetting....

Christie M said...

I'm sorry Ivy :(
The more I have read, the more I think this man is just rambling off the top of his head, which is why his book is so confusing.
He is able to say to the media, "that is not in context" or he will say things like, a lady didn't want to use the rod so she yelled and put her child in a dark closet?? WHAT?
He is either or.... you do it his way, or you are a pathetic abuser who humiliates your child. It is really just a trip into the mind of a very sick man. It is worse than I remember....and worse than I thought. And I thought it was bad.

There are a few paragraphs I have actually agreed with. LOL
Making sure you have restored fellowship, and apologizing to your children.
And that is so bizarre..... he mentions needing to apologize to his own son for being too critical and harsh.

Julia said...

AAAAAHHHHHH! That just plain makes me ill. Oh my goodness... I need to go find the toilet before I lose my breakfast!!

Chris said...

As to comparing children and dogs...I have trained a few dogs in my life and I know this...if you beat a dog, you might have submission, but you'd better watch your backside!

Our dog trainer had us have a pocket full of treats and EVERY positive move was rewarded ...and eventually replaced with "atta girl" and a pat on the head...

Just a though...

Milena said...

That was so upsetting that I just couldn't read it all :-( It is SO sick! Why isn't such a man in prison?

Jo's Corner said...

I suddenly became aware that my body was very stiff and I had been holding my breath while reading this. Oh my! My heart just hurts. Need to go cry. But, Thank You, for putting this out there for those who might get sucked in to the Madness!

Christie M said...

I want to comment once again.... Michael Pearl has warnings in his book against child abuse. It is just that he doesn't see that what he advocates is abuse.
He sees it as cleansing.
My next post when I gain the strength to do it, as this wears on my heart so, will be about the theology behind it, and WHY it is wrong. Therein lies the big issue. People a filled with guilt when it comes to raising their children. They do not want to mess things up and turn to books to help them. Many are desperate for answers, and when somebody says, "If you do this, your family will be full of joy, like mine", some will do it... and then they are trapped. They are caught in false teaching, which in just ONE reason why false teaching can be so dangerous. :( I believe Michael Pearl doesn't understand why he is so mixed up in controversy, and all of the rest of the world, just doesn't get it. I feel sorry for this man and especially sorry for those who have been caught up in his teachings. I do want to say, we need to pray for everybody, that TRUTH would prevail and God would be honored and not dragged through the mud.

Janet said...

What I can't understand is why switches/multiple training sessions around the house would be necessary, seeing that the child has already been trained to obey instantly and won't do anything naughty twice. A properly trained child won't be rebellious, will he? (I trust you can hear the sarcasm dripping from my fingertips). Sarcasm aside, I skimmed the book as a teenager, and even then found it to be totally whacko.

Christie M said...

Janet, that is such a great point, and one that I ask also.... I read in his book that children should be "trained" from day one until the relationship is over, and some even after they are married, but he doubts that would happen. :/ WOW....

SusanJ said...

If we meet daily angels in human guise, isn't it equally probable we 'meet' demons the same way?

This man is sickening. He doesn't know what abuse of a child IS - he doesn't know what abuse of an animal is either judging by how he treated his own little dog.

For me - physical abuse of a child starts - the second an adult's hand/implement strikes a child's skin. I don't believe in hitting adults, animals OR children.

This man givens non Christians all the ammunition they need to point fingers ... he disgusts me beyond my stomach and soul.

Anonymous said...

I have a very badly abused dog who came to us with multiple broken and broken-and-healed bones when he was still a puppy. Years later, he is very anxious, clingy, and needy, and the thought that he has done something wrong will drive him into a panic. I have never met the people who did this to him, but I hate them so much it sometimes makes me sick. Reading this puts me in a cold sweat. The comparisons to dog training just made me look at my dog and realize they think children should be treated the same horrible way he was treated. It's not okay to do that to a dog, and it's really @&!*$ not okay to do that to a child.

Anonymous said...

This post makes me sick ( not what you wrote!)... I don't understand how someone can hit a child and not feel AWFUL afterwards... The saying "pick on someone your own size" does indeed mean the same thing when it comes to parenting!!!

MamaV said...

The goal of Christian parenting is not compliance, it is to raise strong, independent children who love Jesus! I don't want my kids to be fearful, unthinking robots who are at my beck and call, I want them to be people with personalities who obey God (and me, as long as that is appropriate) out of love. Only God can make them that. My job is to lead them to Him.

You Are Still Holy