This past week has been incredibly busy! I think we had something going on every night of the week or day last week and part of this week. It culminated with the Christmas Program that all the girls participated in. And then, when it was over, they all tanked up on sugar. :) Me too! :)
Well, today was SUPPOSED to be a lovely, nice, quiet day of school for 1/2 day and play the rest of the day.
But what started out as quiet, turned into a "blast from the past". I say "blast" because it was like a bomb went off. It shocked me. The funny thing is, I had a dream last night about a bomb going off near by and there were all these bombs going off around me. The one that fell in front of me, was a dud.... I moved it away from me and it just sat there... I need to stop reading the news late at night! :)
When it was time to start this a.m., Alli couldn't find her glasses. So, we began to look for them when she couldn't find them. She started to get frustrated, so we stopped and prayed together. I assured her, we would find them, because we NEED them! I wasn't paying too much attention, and suddenly, she perceived that I had not believed her that she didn't know where they were. She then perceived somebody else was rude to her. They weren't. And then.... the PTSD bomb went off. She was out the door and up the tree.
I called her down, and asked her to come to a safe place to cool off, trees are not safe when you are angry.
She actually came down! :)
When we got into the house, she was more combative that cooperative, so we headed to my room. After a few minutes of coaxing, she got on my bed and we sat and began to untangle what went wrong.
There was actually nothing that I could have done other than try to understand. I truly felt this was an episode of remembering the emotions of the past, and placing them into today and they didn't fit.
So I started with, "Sweetie, I'm sorry you are so upset. We will find your glasses, but I don't think this is about glasses." I then asked her, "Have you ever lied?" Her answer was yes. So I said, "So let me ask.... if you lie sometimes, why would you be offended if you weren't believed?" She thought about it and said, "but I was telling the truth!"
I said, "I know. I thought you were." So why are you so upset? Because it FEELS like you don't believe me!"
So then, I was able to tell her about MY issue. A long time ago, I was struck in the face, on occasion. I developed a problem with having my face touched. It would bring up an emotion that took me right back to having my face struck, even though in my heart, I knew that wasn't the case!
So I explained I had to work REALLY hard to get rid of those feelings by telling myself they were mistaken!
"It took a long time, but I got over it!!!! And YOU CAN TOO!" (got over it, is not the best description...It is more like, learned to identify when my perception was ascew so I wouldn't react)
You are not going to be rejected for any reason. You are going to be believed when you tell the truth. And if you make a HABIT of truth telling, you will EARN that total trust that you so desire. But that is definitely EARNED over time! BUT so YOU KNOW FOR SURE.... Mama LOVES YOU, always!
So we had a little lesson in telling the emotions that were mixed up to STOP! GO AWAY! She said it a few times out loud and it was kinda fun! She started to laugh at the idea and then before I knew it, we were totally resolved in about 15 minutes. The rest of our day was really good!
And the awesome thing!!!! We had prayed earlier together about finding her glasses. She looked really hard and so did I. Tonight, I found her glasses under my bed. :) She was playing under there yesterday while I took a rest. :) Miss Alli is still very young in some areas, especially her play, and in some areas of responsibility. So we had a really great lesson in putting our glasses in the glasses case when we take them off and making sure we put them in the same place every time. :)
I'm so glad she was able to regain her sense of safety so quickly. :)
“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.”
― C. S. Lewis
― C. S. Lewis
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)