I wonder what is in the air??? I have checked a few favorite blogs and it seems that today has been a Trigger Day.... Is it a full moon????
I was hoping, since I am still SICK, we would have a rather low key day. But no.... That could not be.
Of course not! God chooses to work through our weaknesses. And today, I was very weak.
We have had some fantastic weeks and I have known that trigger time is very close by. Today, our sweetie insisted that she be given the same word list that her sisters get for school. She declared, "If you don't give me harder work, how will I catch up?"
So, I gave her the word list. The requirement for all is to look the word up in the dictionary, write down the meaning, then write a complete sentence using that word.
She needs to do 4 a day to keep up. After word one, she was stressed; after word two, angry... and after word three, dysregulated. Translated: She was ashamed because she couldn't do what her sisters could.
I reassured her that there was no comparison, and how her sisters have spoken English much longer and she has had so many disruptions in her life, so moving forward, is ALWAYS the right place to be, even if it isn't at grade level.
This did seem to satisfy her for awhile, and then, the bomb was dropped. She was doing her reading and phonics and was seriously annoyed that I had asked her to complete her assignment before moving on to History.
All of the sudden, I went from being the best mommy in the world, to mommy dearest. I was the mean mommy, I was lying, I was uncaring, and then the bomb.... "YOU ARE JUST LIKE YOUR MOM!"
WOW! Where in the WORLD did that come from? It was a true low blow. I paused, and said, "THAT WAS NOT COOL!" (way to go mom :/)
Thus, what ensued, shaped the rest of our day. I was dealing with a sullen pre teen acting like a toddler in full blown fit...She would not look at me, talk to me, let me touch her or cooperate in any way.
If I were a stranger looking in from the outside, I could have offered myself plenty of my own advice, LOL.... but I was in the trenches.
So, here I am trying to reason with unreasonableness. I SHOULD HAVE walked out of the room, got some tea, prayed and relaxed. When the temp simmered down, then I could have dealt with things. OR I could have just sat there quietly and waited. Instead, I engaged. Escalated is a better word. I strongly dislike that word right now. :)
When I realized I had been sucked in.... I simply bowed out. I changed tactics. She refused to sit up on her bed so I could help her with reading. (Like reading was going to get done in this type of environment) But, being teacher, I had a schedule to keep. So I tried. Can you read this please?
NO. I can't read. Ummm, of course you can read, you have been reading beautifully.
"I forgot the sounds"..
Miss Alli, don't lie to mama, I know you know those sounds.... Now of course, I should have NEVER said that, because how do you prove somebody knows something they say they don't know at any given time, even if you know they do??? She was so angry that I said she had lied.... She was so so so sooooo Angry.....
The thought of Lydia Schatz's mother came into my head and I wondered, is this what was going on over there.? Did she just snap?.. .and then I quickly pushed it from my brain... NO. NO. NO......
However, the thought caused me to shudder. I quickly became focused and back in theraupeutic mode.... I HAD to concentrate and let the hurtful words she spoke to me GO. I am the adult! I am the Adult!
Honestly, when kids say things that are unkind, I really don't think they see the ramifications of those words or understand how deeply they can wound. That is, if you let them. If you can look at those moments as moments of a poor defenseless bird trying for one last battle before they succomb...it really is pathetic.
She was laying back down instead of sitting up, so I layed down too. She put her feet up under the bunk, so I did it too. After a few minutes she said, "Why are you doing what I am doing? She was truly annoyed and it wasn't my intention to annoy her.
I said, because you won't come into my world, so I guess I need to go into yours. As I was in Her world, I focused on spiritual things, and quoted her a few passages of scripture. "Children Obey your parents, for this is right".... and "Honor your father and mother"..... I told her.."these are not things we can MAKE or force you to do. They are matters of heart and they are between you and God. If I were to force you, it would make you angry. I cannot FORCE respect or honor. She was quiet.
She paused. And then, she sat up. We had a few minutes to pray together.
After that, she was reading. She apologized for her behavior and told me how sorry she was for being so mean. Of course she doesn't know why. It doesn't matter.
She also apologized for lying, which was HUGE, because she had dug in so hard about not remembering.
Our son couldn't remember his school work many times because of brain injury. She too has had head injuries and I wasn't sure if this was part of the problem. I honestly don't think it was. But I DO KNOW that a dysregulated child, would have trouble reading.
Sooo, after we got that part of school done, she still had two more subjects to do. She asked, "Can I go outside and play first?" My answer was, "No sweetie. I know how concerned you are about catching up. And unfortunately, you chose to use your school time having a fit...so now you'll have to use your free time finishing school. " I held my breath and she said, "Yes maam."
I gave her a big hug! She got right to work.
Then, she regressed in a healing way. She was happy and secure once again and acting abit like a baby. She opened herself up enough to be vulnerable to us. She had found a baby bottle and for the very first time asked if she could use it. We never do baby things unless it is child initiated. I filled it with milk and she let daddy feed her. I was really surprised by this, because she has never asked about it really.
After she and daddy finished rocking, she seemed so satisfied. She relaxed in his arms and he babied her a bit. He is so good at going with the flow!
So that was our day with Trauma over to visit. She is now
WHEW! What a day! These times can be baffling. But God knows what is going on in her heart and mind. He know way better than I do, and I MUST remember to pray FIRST and speak Last.
Erika and I picked out this sign yesterday and we hung it up. Alli LOVES it! Tonight she pointed it out again and said how much she likes it. :)