Today, may not have been deemed a successful day for some, but for us, it was AMAZINGLY successful!
Over the last 14 months we have been working with Miss Alli on her "reactions" and "actions" for when she gets overwhelmed or upset. Last year, we began to teach her what was acceptable and what was not.
"When you are upset, you may not climb to the top of the tree!"
"When you are upset and need to cool down, you may SAY ' I need to go into my room and cool down'. and that will be fine!"
This is a very similar technique we used with one of our boys who had temper tantrums at 3 years old. When we figured out a strategy to help him, it only took him about 3 weeks to master it.
I remember the first time he used the strategy himself. He got frustrated because his key car wouldn't work. I was prepared for a full fledged kicking and screaming fit, and instead, he put his key car down, walked upstairs and sat on his bed! I remember going in with great delight and hugging him and kissing him and asking him, "Would you like mommy to help you with your car? It must be disappointing when it doesn't work!" He gave me a hug and cried a little and then we went and fixed his car.
Well, today, I had to talk with Alli about the computer. Some things she still does not understand and I had to correct her with a little bit of bite. "If you do not carefully follow mama's instructions, you will no longer be able to use the computer." That got her attention, because we don't use "consequences", but this was a SAFETY issue and we DO keep our children SAFE!
She took our conversation VERY WELL!
We had a great afternoon, and then the girls went out to wash the van and the car.
They were all having a great time. They were all trying their best to do a good job! Miss Alli got the idea that if she used a SCRUB PAD on the car it would get really clean! She was correct. There was no dirt left! It also took the finish off of the car in numerous spots and put fine little scratches all through out the paint.
That one was a little harder for me! LOL
She was so proud, and I had to tell her that she didn't do the right thing; that it was a disaster for the car.
So, I was nicely explaining why we don't use scrub pads on cars, and she started to get upset. She said, you already said something about the computer and now the car. "I can't do anything right!" (Of course this is not true) She was being EMOTIONAL.....reacting from a place of fear and shame. (embarrassment)
Then she said, "Mom, I need to go into my room and cool down!" She quietly walked to her room! About 15 minutes later I went in and rubbed her hair and told her I was proud of her.
She asked "Why"? So I told her it was because she kept her pinky promise and didn't climb a tree, and she didn't just walk away without saying anything, but she verbalized what she needed to do in a polite way! WOW that is HUGE! :)
She came down and we headed for the rocking chair. We rocked for awhile and I explained about the scrub pad and the car. "Now we need to go and tell daddy." We went out and let daddy know and he responded so very well to his favorite car's paint job being damaged! :) "You were trying to do something good!" "Just next time, ask if your idea is a good idea!"
So THANKFULLY..... I'm married not only to a great daddy, but to a mechanic who is also a body shoppe guy and has the equipment to buff out the scratches and hopefully return the shine. :)
And he has a helper that is going to help him do it!
“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.”
― C. S. Lewis
― C. S. Lewis
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)