“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.”
― C. S. Lewis
― C. S. Lewis
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Thoughts About .....Correction That Connects
Tonight, we covered "The Connected Child" chapter 2 at our support group.
I could barely get through this chapter without weeping. Reading it once again reminded me of how NEGLECTED our children were, before they came home. :(
But I was also reminded of the FOUR MIRACLES that LIVE in our home. :)
YES! They are absolute MIRACLES......
When one considers that each and every day, in the normal life of a newborn babe, their mother connects with them time and time again; touching, hugging, changing, loving and caring for them, I see just how truly NEGLECTED our sweethearts truly were.:(
To have to lay in a crib all day for YEARS.... is a nightmare that 2 of our sweeties lived in reality.
To be neglected by parents who were addicted was a nightmare that 2 of our other sweeties lived in reality.
Yet, today, EACH of them THRIVE.
I am so thankful for them beyond words.
LOVE your children. Have COMPASSION for them. Bring them to a place of HEALING.
It is SO HONORABLE to be a parent. :) And it is so REWARDING..... :)
Karen asks the question in chapter 2 workpages. What is behind the behavior? And what is your child trying to communicate? Sound familiar?
In other words, dig deeper. Try to find the solution.
Also mentioned was "the belief system"..... if your child is a child of trauma, or comes from a difficult background", their belief system may very well be, "I am not worthy to be loved".
"I am not worthy to be fed." "If I were loveable I wouldn't have been abandoned."
These deep seeded beliefs are things that we have encountered with each of our children. That is why I believe it is important to have tenderness and unconditional love during a time of needed correction.
Taking a child who is sullen and angry and singing to them, a song like Masterpiece, with words that soften the hardest of hearts, because it speaks TO that very belief system, counters it and says, you are worthy of all of my love. You are loveable. God loves you. I am PROUD of you....
Combine THAT with, "What would be an appropriate way to respond to mom when I ask you to do the dishes?" or.........
Mama isn't asking you to do anything to cause you harm. I only want what is good for you.
Because I love you, I cannot let you be snotty, (fill in the blank) as you are my precious, sweet daughter. :)
And you have a recipe for healing and building trust.
DON'T avoid correction because you don't want to deal with the fall out. Instead, find a way to CORRECT that CONNECTS you to your child!
Hey I sorta like that statement..... "Find a way to CORRECT that CONNECTS! " (and that does NOT mean corporal punishment) I'm talking about the deep communication of love between a parent and a child. This is called "Teaching" and it is the TRUE ART OF DISCIPLINE. If what you are doing does not connect with your child, then it is time to do things differently. The change starts with YOU! :)