Tomorrow, I will be going to the hospital for our son Tim.
Tim has Cerebral Palsy, and underwent some major surgery as a young child. All of those surgeries except one, took place when I was a single mom. I was ALONE. I felt ALONE.
My precious mom in law, Dabba, my mom.... took care of the other boys while Tim had surgery.
That day, that awful day.... when he was just 6 years old.... I can still remember like it was yesterday.
TEN hours of surgery.... a bilateral femoral osteotomy and aducter release.... happened at the University of New Mexico hospital. I remember sitting in the general waiting area nervously sewing Christmas Ornaments. I didn't DARE allow myself to feel.
Then, I could hear him. "You cut my legs off!" That was not just in recovery! That was heard in the WAITING AREA! I saw that line that forbid me to cross..... and I was not allowed to go to be with him. Then, they finally called me. He was still screaming in pain.
They put him in an ambulance and transported him back to the hospital for kids with special needs.
The nurses looked at his chart and freaked out. His orthopedist FORGOT to put in an order for pain meds. NO KIDDING.... So they woke him with NOTHING! NOTHING after hammering and sawing and screwing my baby's legs.... NOTHING.
It took over 4 hours to find the doctor to get orders for pain meds.
FINALLY they were given and they were the WRONG DOSAGE. It was a NIGHTMARE.
3 days later, I went and found the director of the small hospital he was staying at. I asked him to come to my sons room where if I even touched his HAIR he'd say, "Tt hurt mama for you to touch my hair." That doctor "got it!" and a few hours later, he was on the PROPER dose of medicine to where he could actually rest.
No, I will NEVER forget it.
Every time he heard a siren he would cry. They sent him home from the hospital too soon, so I demanded that they take him back. I called a pediatrician and explained that he had suffered severe pain and neglect at the hands of these "professionals" and he agreed that he needed to go back into the hospital for a "good experience".
The nightmares were AWFUL.
We both got over it over the years.... and then not. All those feelings are raw tonight. I'm barely keeping it together. I think Tim is doing WAY better than me. :)
Tomorrow, I will conquer my fear, and spend the night with my precious son, to MAKE SURE that NOBODY treats him like they did when he was 6. I'm older and MUCH braver and don't mind using my mouth now. :) Tim WILL have his pain managed. :)
Pray for me.....and especially pray for Tim. I pray this surgery alleviates the pain he has been in.
Thankfully, his doctor is somebody I respect and KNOW. He was the first doctor Erika saw at Texas Scottish Rite, and is now the director of surgery there. :)
I KNOW that he truly cares about Tim.
When Erika had her last surgery, I was shocked when our new pastor came and sat with me almost ALL day! It was WONDERFUL to NOT be alone! It was actually the first time in a long time.
Only one other time did somebody sit with me. That was an associate pastor when Mike had surgery.
If you are a pastor reading this, please KNOW that your presence when somebody has surgery is MUCH APPRECIATED! It is definitely NOT time wasted. I remember....
“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.”
― C. S. Lewis
― C. S. Lewis
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)