It is interesting how things will suddenly come up from the past for no reason. Just being in the right frame of mind, at the right time, in the right circumstances can really be profitable! :)
I was talking with the girls today about some of what they remember from the orphanage days. Alli had brought up how scared she was at night because they had to watch very, VERY bad movies. The other girls chimed in about scary movies being shown before bedtime OR a worker coming in and pretending to be a monster and scaring the children so badly they would shake and cry.
Erika remembered the Hospital stays being a luxury, even though if she said she was having pain they told her to "shut up" :(
Erika also used to sleep close to Sarah and she remembered a worker coming in and saying to Sarah, "If you don't stop sucking your thumb, I will cut it off!" Erika remembered feeling burning anger inside at the thought of Sarah having her thumb cut off, but she was silent, and she shed silent tears for her little friend in the bed next to her.
Erika also remembered being dragged from her bad and forced to sleep in the kitchen once for talking. Both girls remember being forced to sleep in the cold for talking. Sarah had many nightmares when she first came home about being cold.
The orphanages that the girls were in were vastly different. Alli's orphanage was a much nicer and better equipped orphanage than Erika and Sarah's orphanage. Sarah also remembers being transferred in a van to a new place (from the Sanitarium to the orphanage). She said she was around 4, and that there was an older girl being transferred too.
She remembered seeing a tall, tan building. There is a tall tan building in the middle of the orphanage at Vysoki. She also remembered a brick wall and a cellar.
The thing that struck me from their casual conversation, was that even if a child is in a "good orphanage".... that orphanage is NOT GOOD! While Alli had allowance, clothing, food, snacks and more, her experiences of terror at the hands of unscrupulous workers was no different that Erika's or Sarah's. :( Sadly, she said that she was always afraid of being kidnapped or killed at night, and she wished she had had something to protect her.
What an AWFUL thing to do to children. :(
There are many children who come over here and want to take a knife of scissors to bed to put under their pillow and their parents think they are homicidal, while in most cases, they are fearful and trying to protect themselves. :(
And for that worker to come in and pretend to be a monster and scare poor Sarah at 4 years old to the point of terrified crying, or dragging poor Erika, just makes me burn with anger.
I sat and watched my beautiful girls laugh and talk and remember things nobody should ever have to remember, yet there was a serenity and security in their conversation, that let me know, this was truly in the past for them. LIFE HAS CHANGED and they are loving it.
Alli finds it rather humorous that I won't allow a scary movie. She'll say, "But I've seen them, MUCH worse!" And I say, "Yes, I know! And that is why we WON'T watch them, EVER."
And she smiles with a look of knowing that she is loved. :)
“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.”
― C. S. Lewis
― C. S. Lewis
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)