I wrote a post called "The Unseen Clock" last year. It was around this time last year that Alli was having some behaviors that caused me to believe something else was going on .... and it was about how we talked about it.
I have written before in older posts about how our children have internal clocks that let them know it is "Anniversary time" again. They may not be aware of the reason for their anxiety or uncomfortable feelings inside, but their EMOTIONS tell them there is a reason for anxiousness.
The last couple of days, this has been Miss Alli. She was pulling away, wanting to be more alone, being snarky with her sister and then apologizing. It was like watching a ping pong ball.... one way, then the other , then the other......
Tonight, we had a few moments alone, and I simply talked to her once again about her internal clock. I said, "I think an alarm went off.." "Are you having memories?" I was surprised at her answer.
At first she said yes, but I don't want to talk about them. I reached over and hugged her and said, "Sweetie, you can trust mama.... You can share." "Are your memories scary?"
"YES Mama! "
"Can you tell me about what has been flashing in your mind? "
And the tears began to flow....
"I remember standing at a window with my brothers and sister, and they were taking my mother away in an ambulance. We were alone. My baby brother was standing next to me. I don't know what happened to him." "I don't know where they took my dad."
Something AWFUL happened that day that will forever be etched in Alli's memory banks.
We hugged and talked about her past and the hope of her future.
We cannot erase history as if it never happened. We remember, learn from it and sometimes there is no sense made of it.
Family neglect and violence do not make sense.
I am so glad she shared her most dark secret today. And tonight, she was MUCH more back to normal. We prayed tonight and she thanked the Lord once again for her family.
Love my little girl. She has been through so much. :(
“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.”
― C. S. Lewis
― C. S. Lewis
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)