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In this life we can not always do great things. But we can do small things with great love.." :) Mother Teresa

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“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.”
― C. S. Lewis


I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)

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Thursday, September 20, 2012

The Art Of Discipline part 3 Correction

In the third part of writing about discipline, I wanted to talk about correction.  EVERY child, no matter how wonderful needs to be corrected. And I have never met a child who WANTS to be corrected.  But those teaching moments are the job of every parent to carry out in order for our children to understand right from wrong, make good judgments and be safe.

Correction can serve as a healer, or a destroyer, depending upon HOW you go about correction.
This a.m. in our morning study, we read 2nd Samuel chapter 12.  This is the chapter where the  the Prophet Nathan confronts David about his sin. 
He begins by telling  a story.  An analogy.   David can CLEARLY see the analogy and makes a right judgement.  Nathan then says, "You are that man!"   And David's heart sinks at the weight of those words.  HE REPENTS.

With our children, many times during a time of correction, we can take them into our arms and tell them analogies that fit what we are trying to correct.  If they don't make the connection, you can help them by saying, "in the same way, this is what I want you to understand about....."  
"Can you tell me what you did that was not ok?"
( for children who are prone to anger fits, this talk would have to wait until they were calm)

All the correction that takes place can be done with tenderness and kindness, yet with a clear direction and seriousness needed to weigh heavy on one's heart.  Not just our children's hearts, but our hearts too. As the keepers and protectors of our homes, it is a serious matter how we conduct ourselves towards our children, and how we instruct them in truth.

I believe that this is an area where most parents struggle, by either not wanting the conflict and letting things go uncorrected, or by going overboard and crushing our children's spirits.
I cannot emphasize enough the use of a video camera so that you can watch YOURSELF and how you sound to your children.  It a greatly beneficial tool!

I have used it regularly with Miss Alli.  She is used to it now.  She knows that I will not keep the video after watching it unless I feel it is necessary to go back to.   She also knows that I am using it so I can keep checks on MYSELF, not just her.

The video camera is a great tool for our children too, because if they are prone to trying to finagle out of something by changing the subject or pulling a Bill Clinton, "I didn't sleep with THAT woman".....
You can go over it and they can see first hand what they are doing. 

Our goal is to pass along SELF DISCIPLINE to our children.  When I go to the grocery store, I expect those who choose to stay home to behave the exact same way they would if I were in the room.  A child who has self discipline will not suddenly decide to watch TV or use the computer or run through the house in a manner they know they shouldn't. 
They will be responsible citizens of their family.

Passing this along to them IS an Art.  Being careful and thoughtful in how we speak to them during a time of correction can bring about a wonderful and caring relationship built upon acceptance, trust and love.
The Art of Discipline part 1
The Art of Discipline part 2


Anonymous said...

I seriously lol'ed at the Bill Clinton comment. :)

Anonymous said...

Praying for wisdom from God, and making changes the way we correct our children. I love reading about your ways of discipline, and your point of views. I think I told you this already :) But thank you again for taking time, and putting all this in your posts for me to read it.

We are having hard time with boys on SELF DISCIPLINE, especially when at school, and when mom and dad is not around. I would love to hear more, and your way to teach them SELF DISCIPLINE. I think is getting better with our boys. God is changing us as parents, and we discipline our boys, but we all have a long road ahead of us.

Christie M said...

You are so kind.
Behaviors that are acceptable among little boys in schools in Ukraine or Russia are out of the question here.
Our Russian friends said that the school their young son attended was so bad with boys hurting each other and fighting, and their son was beaten up on a regular basis.
In America, their younger son is the one having trouble with paying attention in school and with self discipline.

It will happen in time. But at the same time, it must be so hard for the boys.
American schools expect boys to act like polite little girls, sitting with hands folded, not talking at lunch time and not enough recess.

I wonder if it were possible, if a smaller scale private school might be helpful for them to make the transition?
We home school and I think that has helped the girls adjust greatly!

Anonymous said...

we are thinking about private school, but they are so expensive. :( I even thought about home school, but boys need to learn English first, because we speak only Ukrainian/Russian at home.

Yes, its really hard for boys, all rules, and many other little things at public school.
Danilka had more issues at school even in the beginning, and he is still working on impulse control.
Danik and Stasik doing ok so far at school.

But we are so proud of each our boy. They came a long way, and trying to change and behave.

Annie said...

You are so right about there being a bit difference here. I think there are a couple - one is as you say - there is more "room" for boys to be boys and "settle things" in the natural way in Russia. But, also, the teachers are rather cruel by our standards. Even in Sergei's excellent school it was typical for the teacher to hit the children's hands, and worse. They had that "English Public School" approach of having older boys "prefects" take care of the "discipline" for the younger ones. This all sounds awful, but it took a couple of my boys quite a while to realize that the teachers were being serious when they were not being harsh.

My fault? Being far too compassionate and understanding...to the point that I forget the transgression completely and once that happens I can't stick to the consequence.

Difference2This1 said...

Thank you for continuing to share your wisdom in parenting the hard situations. Lately, I am overwhelmed with all that is in front of me and not able to keep up with others as much anymore; but I do read your blog as I can and always walk away with a pearl of wisdom that helps me in our journeys with kids from tough places. Thank you. Blessings, Jennifer

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