In the third part of writing about discipline, I wanted to talk about correction. EVERY child, no matter how wonderful needs to be corrected. And I have never met a child who WANTS to be corrected. But those teaching moments are the job of every parent to carry out in order for our children to understand right from wrong, make good judgments and be safe.
Correction can serve as a healer, or a destroyer, depending upon HOW you go about correction.
This a.m. in our morning study, we read 2nd Samuel chapter 12. This is the chapter where the the Prophet Nathan confronts David about his sin.
He begins by telling a story. An analogy. David can CLEARLY see the analogy and makes a right judgement. Nathan then says, "You are that man!" And David's heart sinks at the weight of those words. HE REPENTS.
With our children, many times during a time of correction, we can take them into our arms and tell them analogies that fit what we are trying to correct. If they don't make the connection, you can help them by saying, "in the same way, this is what I want you to understand about....."
"Can you tell me what you did that was not ok?"
( for children who are prone to anger fits, this talk would have to wait until they were calm)
All the correction that takes place can be done with tenderness and kindness, yet with a clear direction and seriousness needed to weigh heavy on one's heart. Not just our children's hearts, but our hearts too. As the keepers and protectors of our homes, it is a serious matter how we conduct ourselves towards our children, and how we instruct them in truth.
I believe that this is an area where most parents struggle, by either not wanting the conflict and letting things go uncorrected, or by going overboard and crushing our children's spirits.
I cannot emphasize enough the use of a video camera so that you can watch YOURSELF and how you sound to your children. It a greatly beneficial tool!
I have used it regularly with Miss Alli. She is used to it now. She knows that I will not keep the video after watching it unless I feel it is necessary to go back to. She also knows that I am using it so I can keep checks on MYSELF, not just her.
The video camera is a great tool for our children too, because if they are prone to trying to finagle out of something by changing the subject or pulling a Bill Clinton, "I didn't sleep with THAT woman".....
You can go over it and they can see first hand what they are doing.
Our goal is to pass along SELF DISCIPLINE to our children. When I go to the grocery store, I expect those who choose to stay home to behave the exact same way they would if I were in the room. A child who has self discipline will not suddenly decide to watch TV or use the computer or run through the house in a manner they know they shouldn't.
They will be responsible citizens of their family.
Passing this along to them IS an Art. Being careful and thoughtful in how we speak to them during a time of correction can bring about a wonderful and caring relationship built upon acceptance, trust and love.
The Art of Discipline part 1
The Art of Discipline part 2
“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.”
― C. S. Lewis
― C. S. Lewis
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)