People often ask, "What is the hardest thing about adoption?"
Honestly I find adoption to be such a joy. But there are hard times. VERY HARD.
We are in a great place right now. It seems that all of our girls are feeling safe and secure, and Miss Alli has turned another huge corner. She has been a joy to be around, and has received instruction and correction so well! I almost forgot last week that she will sometimes resort back to old behaviors, and was caught off guard. But I went right into theraputic parenting mode and things moved very quickly to resolution and joy.
When we went to "The Voice of the Martyr's Conference" on Saturday, I was a little worried about how she would do. They talk about difficult things there and are very open about it. She did great. She also attended the teen conference with her sisters and participated in reading in a small group about another country! I was proud of all the girls for participating. :)
We have had many hard times over the years in working each of the girls through the adjustment phase, and helping them to heal. Tears have been shed, there have been frustrations and sorrows, pre-planning, discussion to stay focused and much, much, more. But honestly, adoption is a JOY! And I would do it all over again, plus, if the Lord called us to do so!
At the conference, Gracia Burhnam was asked what the hardest thing about being a hostage was. She said very clearly, "being faced with myself!"
I could completely IDENTIFY with that statement! I have never been a hostage, and pray I will never be.... but difficult , stressful situations bring out the ugliness that indwells us; our sin nature. It is still so very much alive, and we struggle to put sin to death.
So with that in mind:
I have found the VERY HARDEST thing about adoption is having to face my OWN shortcomings and MY OWN ugliness. The hardest thing about adoption is looking inside and seeing that I have a lot of changes to make and am still dealing with the same ole' sin that I once thought had been conquered. Silly me... the boys had just grown up! LOL
Hidden sin, doesn't hide when you are under stress. It rears it's ugly head and comes out for all to see.
THAT is the hardest thing. AND IT IS THE VERY BEST THING.... because it brings about CHANGE! REAL CHANGE! Just as we want our children to trust us and rest in our love; GOD wants us to TRUST HIM and rest in HIS LOVE!
Our God is FAITHFUL! He carries us when we are weak and teaches us to depend upon Him in the hardest of times. Choosing to LOVE with the kind of agape' love that God has for us, is a path that leads to healing, love, joy, peace and patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, self control.... THESE are the fruits that become evident in our lives when we yield ourselves over to HIS WILL..... to LOVE the little ones He has placed in our care.
God knew that we needed Alli just as much as she needed us. :)
What beauty is unfolding in each of us! I am honored to be a part of it. :)
"His Mercies Are New Every Morning"
“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.”
― C. S. Lewis
― C. S. Lewis
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)