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Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Using Fear To Control

My mama bear fur was ruffled tonight.  It has been ruffled before when I have heard similar stories from my girls. 
Many of you who have adopted children from Orphanages in Eastern Europe know the routine that our children have endured.
Instead of a bedtime story and a kiss goodnight, like many children get, they were treated, terrified with HORROR MOVIES, THREATS, AND MONSTERS.

Yes, even in the baby house.... they were forced to watch scary movies. In the baby house they were told monsters would come and get them if they talked, and then the workers would terrify them. Both Erika and Sarah remember weeping and crying in terror as they were tormented by workers who were supposed to care for them.

Tonight, it was time for Alli to shut the chicken coop door.  She forgot to do it, and as we were all getting ready for bed, she remembered. She insisted that Erika go with her, to which I said, no. Erika is already ready for bed... You go ahead and do it. 
I got a flat out "NO! I WILL NOT!" 
Now this has not happened in a LONG time, and I was a little taken back! 
So my response was not as eloquent as I would have liked. :)  I said, "Ummmm YES you WILL!"
That was probably not the best way to respond.  But as I explained to her later.... "You tie my hands to change my mind when you speak in a disrespectful way!"

She did go out and I promised to watch her from the porch.  But before she went, she said, "Mama, I'm scared!" 
I reassured her I would watch. (I was already ready for bed or I would have gone with her)
So she ran and did her job.  GOOD GIRL!
When she came back, I gave her a hug and told her I love her.  And then, I said, "I didn't know you were afraid of the dark."
She said,  "I'm not!"
"I'm afraid of the movies I've seen!"  "They happened in the dark!"
"What movies?"
"Please mama, I don't want to say!"

So we snuggled.... and I told her I was sorry. I didn't know she was afraid.  I had no idea.
Another layer of onion was peeled back for more healing!

We had a discussion about what transpired and then she came to our room to snuggle before bedtime. Both daddy and I prayed with her and then I said, "Sweetie, I'd really like to know about those movies."  She had mentioned watching bad movies before, but never any details.

She told us a few of the movies they were FORCED to watch before bedtime.  They were told murderers could come to their room and get them. 

WHY, WHY , WHY do these people, whoever they are, think this is a way to treat children?
Alli was between 7 and 9 when she was introduced to this, AFTER all the trauma she endured in her home. :(  I understand that they do this in order to keep the children in bed and full of fear. :(

We prayed together once again after her descriptions of the movies she was forced to watch, and asked the Lord to take those memories from her. :(

I am so thankful that tonight happened.  Once again, FEAR was the driving force behind the behavior.  I was reminded of this!  It has been quite a while since I have gotten a NO! :)
She trusted us with her fears, and told us about them, and that is HUGE!

Our sweetie went to bed and is sleeping peacefully, while I am awake, bearing her burden.

Sometimes I have readers from Eastern Europe. I pray, if any of them work with children in an orphanage, that they would think about how damaging horror movies are to children, and consider reading them a comforting bedtime story instead.


Milena said...

It makes me very angry that the children are/were forced to watch such scary inappropriate movies! Poor Alli! I'm so sorry for her :-( and for your other girls who share the same kind of memories.

Aus said...

Wow - unbelievable - control thru terror...thanks for getting to be bottom of that one!

And I'm stealing that line about "You tie my hands to change my mind when you approach me with disrespect" - that's a GREAT one!

hugs - aus and co.

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