Memories from 23 years ago!
Back when our boys were younger, there are two distinct LIES that I remember, and two distinct ways in which we handled them.
In my earlier years, all I knew was "Traditional Fear Based Parenting". Even though we had moved away, and greatly distanced ourselves from many of these ideas, we still were struggling with how to deal with difficult situations.
While I was very uncomfortable with it, I knew NOBODY who didn't actually spank. Those years were at the "James Dobson" "Dare to Discipline" peak.
We were quite poor so we used to take the boys on Friday Nights to get a 4 dollar pizza and let the boys play some games. They LOVED to go. They also decided together to save their ticket prizes for a "grand prize"....
The time came for that "Grand Prize". We were planning to go to "Pistol Petes", and that night, they would turn in all of their tickets for a video.
There was excitement in the air.... and the day came....
The tickets were MISSING from our room! I found them in one of our boy's pillow case!
We confronted him... "Why did you take the tickets and hide them?".. (sleep with them)
He accused his brother. :/
We knew this particular son was overly anxious and the excitement was too much for him.... but he STOLE!
So, after talking to him, and FINALLY getting a confession.... he received a swat. :(
We rewarded his TRUTH telling with a punishment! ACK! I hate to even think about it!
I don't think there was a precious moment in that. We were upset, and he was punished.
A few years later... as we were learning more about grace....
Our youngest son did something very wrong. He and his brother walked to the local Dairy Queen.
There was this game. The rules were, if your quarter lands on this certain spot, you win a Sundae.
Our son told the manager that His quarter landed there. It was not his quarter, but somebody else's.
He ate the Sundae he was falsely rewarded.
The next week, I asked the guys... "Do you want to go to Dairy Queen for an ice cream?"
Our youngest would ALWAYS say "NO! I don't really want to!"
I couldn't figure it out for the longest time!
A year went by, and the guilt had eaten him up. He came to me and confessed the dirty deed he had done.
My response was, "I am so proud of you for telling the truth!" "But we need to make it right."
We called the manager at the Dairy Queen and asked to meet with her.
Both Mike and I took our sweet son to pay for that Sundae.
The manager told our son, "I am so proud of you for being honest!"
She told him, "You are welcome to eat here at ANY TIME!"
The lesson learned for me, was that the Lord in HIS good timing will convict the heart! And the life lesson learned will be forever imprinted on the heart.
It required No spanking, or scolding!
After that... I was comfortable to toss Dobson and His ideas out!
I just KNOW we could have handled the first situation so much better had we had the tools or understood what was behind his behavior.
It could have led to a stronger relationship and not fear of punishment!
God's ways are SO much better than ours!
“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.”
― C. S. Lewis
― C. S. Lewis
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)