A friend was visiting last night and asked our Anna, "What is your first memory of being home with your mama and daddy?"
Her reply... "I remember taking the seat belt in the car and threatening to hit my mama.....
OH How I remember that so well! Funny.... that is one of my first memories of her too!
We had gone in the car to get groceries. Our sweetie took the seat belt that was in the middle and slung it at me saying.... "I want to HIT YOU!"
My answer was "Why would you want to do that?"
She answered, "Do you want to hit me?"
"Just HIT ME!"
There was this back and forth dialogue about how I didn't have ANY DESIRE to hit her, and how she had GREAT desire to HIT ME, and BE HIT by me! :(
It was the very first time she and I were alone. And I thought at that moment about the depth of her pain. "Could I really help her?" "ME Lord?"
I was a little surprised this was her first memory.... but that scene obviously resonated with her and she has remembered.
That DAY was the first day of her healing journey.
Our friend asked, "So did your mama hit you?"
Anna shyly grinned and said, no.
I can't help but wonder what TONE would have been set in our home had I allowed her to hit me, OR, if I had actually obliged her wish for me to hit her; even in pretend!
I know a lady who's earliest memories revolve around being struck. She remembers them well.
They resonated with her.
However, as young as she was, she did NOT relate the striking with cause and effect. Why? Most likely because she was an infant and then a toddler!
She didn't connect the two issues; something she had done, with being struck. And she remembers being confused, like "why did that just happen?" And she was frightened of her mother.
MEMORIES, good and bad, of how were were parented can help us in forming strategies for our own families. Keep the good, throw out the bad and IMPROVE upon the past. :) This lady harbors no ill will towards her parents. They were only repeating what their parents did to them.
BUT.... CYCLES MUST BE BROKEN and IT IS UP TO US TO BREAK THEM! Don't settle for lazy parenting just because YOU survived!
I am reminded of that STUPID facebook forward that goes around saying....
"In my day kids were beat and I was too and we all survived! So stop pampering your kids etc." (my paraphrase... it is actually much more ANNOYING!)
My thought when I have seen that go around is: I wonder how many counselors' homes are being funded because of that kind of attitude!
We are responsible before the Lord to disciple our children in the LOVE and admonition of the Lord whether we were abused or NOT! We are responsible to DO BETTER!
And these days, there is SO MUCH INFORMATION OUT THERE for struggling parents!
There is bad info. But there is GREAT info. and it shouldn't be too hard to tell the difference.
If you need help..... WATCH THESE!<<----- LINKED They are Fantastic! If you don't; watch them anyway! :)
“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.”
― C. S. Lewis
― C. S. Lewis
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)