Have you ever been Thirsty? Like, REALLY thirsty?
I have... I have been DESPERATELY thirsty!
There was a time in my life where I had hit ROCK BOTTOM. That means, there was NO WHERE to go but up. NO WHERE.
Let me back up..... I was a nice "christian" girl. I grew up believing in Christ for my salvation. I had placed my trust in HIM as the author and finisher of my faith.... BUT WHERE OH WHERE had He taken Me?
I was very familiar by now with my dear friends "Sorrow and Suffering".... and had even got abit used to them.
As my marriage was falling apart, as my husband had gone from Seminary Student to unbeliever with a vengeance, I found myself lost.... VERY LOST.... VERY CONFUSED.
I was supposed to be raising my children in the LOVE of the LORD! I was supposed to be cooking nice meals, baking cookies, and having late night conversations with my spouse! I was supposed to be attending women's bible studies and going shopping......
OH MY how life was NOT ALL THAT..... OH MY!
I was SO BLESSED with my Four little boys. I cherished them so. I felt so sad that I could not give them much of what I wanted to. I felt devastated that they were not receiving the LOVE they so deserved.
We ALL went through some very hard times.
You know, he promises to never leave us or forsake us.... but HE DOES NOT PROMISE that we won't WALK THROUGH FIRE! He says he'll be there with us..... not remove the FIRE from us!
This was my life at this point in time..... walking through FIRE......
I THIRSTED for the LORD, but did not find HIM in the "organized church" that I was attending.
In fact, I found very little fellowship there. It was more like judgment.
I remember having to ask for food one time..... and this man walked out... He was one of the assistant pastors. IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY he said, "How did you get yourself in this situation?"
"Well, let me see..... I have been a careless jerk and married one and we have 4 kids and I am totally irresponsible!" That is what I FELT like saying. Instead, only tears, and I left.
I was not only in shock, but terribly hurt that he treated me in such a disrespectful manner.
I remembered his name, and MANY years later heard a sermon in another state where his name was mentioned and I nearly burst into tears. :(
This is one of the reasons I believe churches should have food pantries with NO QUESTIONS ASKED! Take what you need and when you can, give to the food pantry for others.
I am so thankful for God's word. I remember THIRSTING for the Lord and the Presence of the Lord.
I hung out a LOT in Isaiah. "Lo, everyone who thirsts come to the water." and then in the NT... In the Gospel of John..... where Jesus tells the woman at the well, "I have water to give and you will never thirst again!"
I WANTED THAT WATER!
In the midst of extreme pain and turmoil, God WALKED WITH ME! And I am SO THANKFUL!
I KNEW he was walking with me. I knew it... but it didn't mean that time was not painful.
There are some lessons that cannot be learned any other way, than walking through them. I now KNOW that GOD had a plan for all that pain... I just didn't know it then.
That is where FAITH comes in.
Even though things were HARD, trusting the LORD was ALL I HAD TO HANG ON TO!
Are you going through a HARD TIME RIGHT NOW? With your child? With your spouse?
GOD IS WITH YOU! TRUST HIM!
Press into Christ and HE will fill you to overflowing!
HE will equip you for the struggle if you trust Him.
Today, I can see VERY CLEARLY why all that pain was NECESSARY... and sometimes why it is STILL necessary! It WAS NECESSARY for the life I live today. It was necessary to prepare me for my GIRLS, that were not even a part of my imagination back then! LOL
It is necessary now, to prepare me for the future.
It is AMAZING how I can look back on those times and relate them to today, with my girls... and help understand and identify with THEIR pain. Someday, my girls will do the same. :)
God is a WISE GOD..... He knows what is best for His children.
Sometimes, Pain is best, and that is OK.
“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.”
― C. S. Lewis
― C. S. Lewis
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)