“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.”
― C. S. Lewis
― C. S. Lewis
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)
Saturday, April 13, 2013
A Picture of BCLC pt 2 "What Happens Next?"
Yesterday, I wrote this post <---- (linked) about Miss Alli. :)
Today, I want to cover "What Happens Next?"
What happens after there is repentance and calm has come back into the home? What happens next, when a child exhibits old behaviors, or you are in the throws of young child parenting or newly parenting traumatized, older, children?
BCLC or grace based parenting requires two sides of the discipline coin to be successful. The first side, I wrote about yesterday in the post mentioned above, and have written extensively through out this blog regarding the same things.
The other side of the coin has to do with equipping our children with the tools needed to succeed the next time they feel overwhelmed or upset about something.
One of the leading questions you can ask your child is, "What happened last night when you were so upset? Do you know why you climbed up that tree?" They may not know! Be prepared for that answer, and accept it as true.
The next step would be to say, "How do you think you can handle it differently next time?" Preparing them, that in life, there will be disappointments, discouragements, disagreements and more. Explain in detail how you are not perfect, and neither are they. We never will be perfect here on this earth, and we will make mistakes.
If they come up with a strategy, that is fantastic! But don't expect them to do this right away if they are new to having to think outside of their comfort zone.
This gives you opportunity to speak into their heart. Offer a time when you were young and over reacted to something in your life. This puts you on the same team and reduces their level of shame. (I'll use one from my own childhood)
"I was so angry, so angry! I went into my closet and hid. I thought of bad words and then I bit my own hand! "
"That seems so silly to me now!"
I shared this with my daughter and she laughed. "You did that?"
"Yep. Mama did that!"
"And it didn't help me. All it did was make me feel guilty, because I knew it was wrong!"
"Mama doesn't do that anymore."
"Would you like some ideas for tools so you don't let yourself get out of control when you are angry?"
And then, you can come up with some ideas together!
Sometimes writing down how you are feeling helps. For a littler one, drawing a picture.
For me, as a mama, if I am feeling like I am going to lose control myself, instantly making myself look at how I am feeling and then using humor with my child has diffused more situations than I can count over the years.
"Wow! Mama said, "Don't be disrespectful, disrespectfully!" oops! :)
As our children learn to get those tools out and practice using them, they will get better and better at using them in the heat of the moment, preventing a melt down.
New butterflies emerge from their cocoons when those cocoons look like there is no life in them at all!
And they soar!
I love hearing success stories... would anybody like to share?