“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.”
― C. S. Lewis
― C. S. Lewis
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)
Sunday, May 26, 2013
What A Week!
What a week! Or should I say Month! This has been one of the hardest months. It has been hard to even blog because of all the disasters. I have attempted several times, yet it seemed kind of "trivial" to be blogging when there is so much sadness all around us.
The suffering of those who have lost loved ones is palpable.
In the last month we have had the Boston Bombings, The West Texas Explosion and Fire, an F 4 Tornado in Granbury Texas, an F 5 tornado just up North about 3 hours from us.
We had expected tornados last week also. We were told we were in the Bulls Eye for severe weather, and we prepared. It didn't happen and we were so thankful.
In the midst of all the external chaos, we have had some chaos at home too. Our sweetie was struggling and our hearts were breaking for her. She was struggling with memories and shame of her past. But God....
Today's sermon was so fitting. God does not call us to be perfect. He calls us to believe. Each wonderful word pierced our sweetie's heart. She was listening and I could see, just as 2 years ago, when the words spoke to her heart and she wept at her sin. Today, a light went on in her heart once again. I believe that her reconciling past and present is so very, very close. Working through grief and confusion regarding one's past is very hard. Sometimes Chaos comes before peace. She knows she has us, and the Lord on her side, and she also has a whole host of lovely people; dear friends, prayer warriors, elders and our sweet social worker Kathi, lovingly supporting our family regularly in prayer and encouragement!
We decided to tell her that we have successfully made contact with her sweet sister. She knew her sister had followed us on facebook. She was a little shocked. A LOT shocked! I am not sure how her sister found us, but she did. I have been praying for this for 2 years and 3 months.
The girls have not spoken directly to each other yet, and we will continue to go about this slowly, for both of their sakes. I do not want to overwhelm them, or cause them further trauma. But we will welcome Alli's siblings, whenever they want to reconnect and establish a healthy relationship, with open arms and hearts. She asked tonight.... "Mama, is it ok, if when somebody asks me how many brothers and sisters I have, if I say, I have 7 brothers and 4 sisters?" I told her yes, that is ok.
She asked, "What if they ask where my other siblings are? "
I told her to tell them she has 2 in Russia and 2 in Oklahoma. :)
That answer seemed to help.
It has got to be so surreal, all the things that have happened to pull them apart. But God has a plan,
and His plan is always for our good. :) Alli is resting in this truth.
We went on to have a conversation about life and our histories.
We cannot make our past go away! It is a part of us. We have to embrace it for what it is; but also embrace the present and the future.
I LOVED what our dear pastor said today about the woman who touched the hem of Jesus's garment.
Jesus said, "Daughter, your faith has made you whole! Go in peace!"
Our pastor said the word is "Shalom!" "All is right with the world!"
Strongs definition was: Shalom means completeness, wholeness, health, peace, welfare, safety soundness, tranquility, prosperity, perfectness, fullness, rest, harmony, the absence of agitation or discord.
Shalom comes from the root verb shalom meaning to be complete, perfect and full.
I pray that Alli can feel that Shalom tonight! And I pray this for all of my sweet friends and readers.
In the midst of chaos, confusion, disaster, sadness, tragedy and more.....