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In this life we can not always do great things. But we can do small things with great love.." :) Mother Teresa

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“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.”
― C. S. Lewis


I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)

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Friday, July 19, 2013

When Love Is A Foreign Concept: A book review part 4

Whew... I have been doing some reading.  IT. HAS. BEEN. HARD..... 

I am saddened by what I am reading. 

The next part of my review will be on Chapter 5 of "The Child Catchers". 

If any of you have read my blog for very long, you know that we are Christians. We home educate our children. We are adoptive parents both domestic, International and International through adoption dissolution.  We are well covered in all areas of CPS, Agencies and Private adoption.

We are probably Kathryn Joyce's nightmare IF we fit into the stereotypical assumptions made in the book.  :)
But I  do not take offense at her observations.  They do not define my family.
I am trying very hard to look past assumptions to see what she is trying to say.  She has a lot to say.

Some of the concepts that are repugnant to Ms. Joyce in regards to God's ultimate plan, to suffering, to Spiritual awareness, to Christianity in general. We believe Jesus Christ is our savior.
However, WE cannot save anybody.   That seems to be a theme in the book that Christians want to adopt to save.  (both spiritually and physically)
We believe in the Gospel.  The Gospel can be spread in many different ways. It doesn't require adoption. 
Maybe what is misunderstood is what the Gospel is, and that it is not a set of religious rules but it is a life that is lived out according to the truth of Scripture.  No one can come to Christ unless the Spirit draws them.... we cannot save!  That is the job of God, and as far as I know, there are Christians world wide!

If there are agencies out there who are claiming Christ, and yet breaking the very laws of God without hesitation... lying, stealing, bearing false witness, (another kind of lying)  and more.... I would have to say they may be Christian in Name Only.  The scripture says, "You will know them by the fruit they bear."  Meaning.... if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it is probably a duck! :)
If an agency is unethical.... then, they are unethical and the Christian title should be ignored!
It is sort of like that plumber that puts the little fish sign on his business card and shakes your hand saying, "I'm a Christian!" And then rips you off.....in the name of Christ.

Any time I see a card like that, I start checking my pocket to make sure my wallet is still there!

In short.... YES! There are WOLVES in SHEEPS CLOTHING.... BE AWARE!  If anything, this book beats that drum all throughout and the warning should be heeded!

With that said,  a few of the adoption stories regarding Christian families who are Home Educators, who adopt, and who are followers of the likes of Michael Pearl and No Greater Joy ministries.... OH my...Yes, they made it into this book. 
Many of you know I have written many times about this type of mindset, and the devastation it can cause not only in a typical family, but especially in an adoptive family.   Ms. Joyce hits that nail HARD with the story of a family who lived in Tennessee and adopted something like 10 children from Liberia.  Only 3 of those adoptions remained intact, and it was not known if they were successful....
Her description from the eye witness account of the oldest daughter was heart wrenching. 
It made me seriously angry, not at Ms. Joyce, but at the following of False Teachers that leads to outright child abuse!  Of course the Pearls deny that their book advocates child abuse.... but whatever.
I have written about them here.

This brings home another concept that we MUST be aware of in the adoption community.... KNOW the country you are adopting from. UNDERSTAND the customs!  Understand the family structures!

This little girl was getting beaten for not looking in the eye, when in fact it was a sign of respect in her country.  She was in trouble for caring for her siblings which she had always done! 
The baby was beaten for going to her sister for comfort instead of the adoptive mother until her legs bled.  Gee I wonder why?
This stuff went on for years and the children were treated more as slaves than children, not being educated as was stated.
My heart hurts just writing this.  I had no idea. I know of the magazine put out by this family, but  have never read it.
They are Pearlites....
Of course the Lydia Schatz case was mentioned too, but just briefly. 

Ms. Joyce also mentioned one of the sons was sent back to Liberia where he now lives with his grandmother.  He is an American citizen, but cannot come to America without a sponsor. I don't get that at all. 
Since before the book was published, years had gone by and the family has since tried to reunite with children once rejected.   There have been huge issues still, of extreme control.  The older daughter has chosen to forgive and move on; a sign of her mature character.

But how many kids are DESTROYED by this kind of stuff?  MANY.
There is also much talk about RAD. 
I know Ms. Joyce does not understand RAD and wrote what she could regarding it... but frankly, RAD is over diagnosed.
The children in many of these families described were showing classic signs of Attachment Disorder and Reactive Attachment disorder.   Maybe more accurately, it can be called Grief and Loss.

And FRANKLY, in a family that is requiring complete control, including control over how you feel, I might just develop RAD.

She briefly mentions adoption disruption/dissolution, the Ranch and the "underground series of homes that take in kids for respite care and rehoming".  ( I do not like the word re homing.  It makes a very sad event sound much softer than it is.   Disruption is divorcing your child!
I do know that this type of respite happens, and there are respite care homes that are just word of mouth.
It is a part of the "Wild West of Adoption". 

I have made people aware myself when somebody was going to disrupt after all avenues of effort had been made to save the adoption.  But I am in no way an agent who advocates for disruptive families or those who want to adopt through disruption.

Both times that we have adopted from Disruption, our social worker and the original agency that the adoption was handled by were involved.  We never met an intermediary  who was not a licensed social worker.
We were introduced one time to a lady who wanted to adopt with no intermediary, and it was very uncomfortable.... too loose for me.

If anything, Chapter 5 should be read by all prospective adoptive parents to help them understand that they need to be PREPARED beyond food, housing and clothing.  They need to be prepared for children who are hurting, in shock, unable to communicate and more. 

THIS was the very problem that caused both of our sweeties to be labeled and disrupted.  We are the fortunate parents of two very bright girls who are flourishing.  It is hard work!  And if you are going to adopt, be prepared for HARD WORK and COMMITMENT, otherwise, DO NOT ADOPT!

More to come.....

1 comment:

Hope Anne said...

Thank you, again, Christie for your hard work with this. It needed to be done. I'm proud to know you. So many people just throw EVERY THING in the trash from this book, and miss the baby in the rubbish that they NEED to listen to.

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