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“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.”
― C. S. Lewis


I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)

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Thursday, July 18, 2013

When Love Is A Foreign Concept: A book review part 3

This book is tough to read.  The title of the book is "The Child Catchers".... this is my 3rd part.

Reviews one and two are just below this post.
I was accounting certain parts to my husband from chapter 4, and his response was, "Are these Christian Agencies?"   Some are listed. 
There are accounts, similar to the video I saw about Mosha and her baby brother who were adopted to parents in Amsterdam. 
I couldn't believe what I was reading. 
I believe it.  It is just so hard to read.

If there are groups out there, operating in this way, then we need to separate ourselves from them and declare that they are not from us.  They are not operating in love, and once again, "Love is a foreign Concept" to them.

One of the more disturbing accounts was about 3 little girls who were much older than the family was told. The family was told that the mother died of aids and the father was dying of aids.  They were shocked when they picked them up that they were well dressed, they had back packs with things, and they also had family photo albums of a large, loving extended family. 

It turned out, the girls WERE older, the father was NOT dying and the extended family thought they were sending the girls to get an American education. They did not understand that adoption is permanent. 
The girls were confused about name changes and the oldest girl has been devastated by her adoption, very much like Mosha, she no longer lives in the home. 

And the adoptive family has been devastated.  They thought they were adopting orphans. They weren't.

Another family was looking at a DVD of their possible future children. They asked for a translator to interpret.  When the mother was asked if she understood adoption, she said no... and the film was cut. Then, it came back on with her saying yes, and could she now leave to go back to her baking.  The family was very suspicious and the translator encouraged them to NOT adopt these children, as something was very wrong.  The family questioned the agency, and the agency wound up giving the children to somebody else to adopt.

Folks, if this is real.... this is heartbreaking, and it is NOT the fault of good hearted American parents who want to provide a loving home to an orphan.

I believe this is most likely the heart of why Ms. Joyce wrote this book, and we need to sit up and take notice as the church to make sure we are not aiding unscupulous agencies who are using the name of Christ to traffic children.

That must end.

I strongly recommend that anybody adopting internationally look into the agencies being used to make sure things are done correctly and according to the law.

I remember when we went to get Erika, she had never had any visitors. While we were in Ukraine, a new law had passed. Her parents had never visited even though she was less than 1 hour away.  Because they had terminated their rights willingly at the hospital, the new law stated they had to write a letter stating they were willing to allow Erika to be adopted.
This took place while we were in the country and had to be done by a notary.
I believe this was another step for Ukraine to make sure parents understand the permanency of adoption.
I have noticed that Russia often refers to adoptive parents as "foster parents". 
We are NOT foster parents. 
We are parents. Adoption is permanent and life changing.  Things had better be correct in the background paperwork! 

I'm still in shock from what I read.


Hope Anne said...

Christie, I am very proud to know you because you are one of the few adoptive parents that I know of who has taken on reading and trying to glean what good they can from this book--and not only that, you are blogging about it as well! I read it, but I did not try to tackle blogging about it. You are a wise woman.

MamaV said...

Yikes! This makes me appreciate the steps and barriers that we navigate!

katiemacgregor said...

it's full on, isn't it? i mean, you can definitely understand why if you lump 'adoption' as a concept all together, it sounds like a terrible, shameful thing. it makes adoptive parents sound like selfish, shameless human beings. the author, obviously not having any personal history or knowledge of ethical adoption, has done just this...& this is how she has come up with her scathing views of adoption in general.

& that is the problem, i think, & what you've highlighted from reading this book. adoption is not wrong. in fact, in such broken situations such as erika's when she was in the orphanage, adoption is the only RIGHT thing she had in her life. this is where legal, ethical, christian adoptions must be differentiated from what is essentially child trafficking. because the latter is VERY real, & sadly very common.

i'm impressed you got through the book! not sure i could have. good job!

Karen said...

I have been hearing about these horrific things on other blogs as well...and you are right...we need to separate ourselves from unethical adoption practices! I cannot imagine, as a parent, later realizing that I was involved in something like this inadvertently and there was no way to undo it...

Christie M said...

Hang on, I'm not through yet. I don't even know how to write this next part..... praying and thinking.

Christie M said...

Yes, it does. Ethical might mean more time.... and more hoops to jump through, but wow.... I cannot imagine the sadness of finding out somebody thought they were having to "supply your demand". UGH

Dawn said...

I am following this closely as I've heard only "haters" reviewing the book. Eager (sort of) to see what is next...

MamaV said...

My husband and I have decided that if adoption EVER becomes about fulfilling a need for US, we need to seriously reconsider. We want to provide a loving home to kids who really need it. It's not about how many kids we have. The last thing we want to do is pull a child out of a living situation that was good for them and their family.

Christie M said...

Mama V....
I am pro adoption! I am just not pro trafficking!

The funny thing is that we never really sought out to adopt.
Anna asked us to be her parents. That is how we were introduced to adoption in our family; a child from foster care.
The next one, came from an email we received from a social worker regarding Sarah. Erika was Sarah's best friend, and we did pursue her after seeing how very devastated she was that her only friend was gone. We strongly felt they needed to be together. And the way was paved. Then Miss Alli came because of another phone call.

I am comfortable with each of our adoptions. I believe we are all in the right place, even though getting here was rough. :)

It is certainly a walk of faith.
I believe there are agencies out there who operate ethically! And foster care may be a great place to start!

MamaV said...

The adoption process that we are currently undertaking is one that I am very comfortable with; it seems very clear to me that our girl needs a family and won't get one in her birth country, and our agencies both come highly recommended by experienced people. This certainly makes me more thoughtful about what we might do in the future, though (and yes, foster care does sound like a good way to go; we know several families who are serving well in that area).

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