The Trip Back

Back to where she came from.  I cannot imagine what is going through her head right now as she prepares to come back home.  I'll have more to say soon, but here are a few photos of her at her old
orphanage.....

Erika and Papa Dima

 Then and now

 Then and now

What an incredible experience. :)

more to come

Our very first posts were about our experience bringing Erika home from Ukraine.
She came home in April of 2006. I started blogging in Feb of 2007.

It Was Like A Breath of Fresh Air

Easter Sunday was a wonderful reminder of the grace and mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ.  He brings about NEW LIFE by breathing into us His Love.

After services, the gang showed up for an Egg Hunt and BBQ.  We had a wonderful time of fellowship.  The grand kids are REALLY growing up!  We had so much fun with family and friends. :)

 And this is what they looked like after we cleaned up! :)

Washed In the Love of Christ

My last post was rather negative. I'm very sorry. :(  It was raw, and I was raw.
Rejection hurts.
But you know what?  Isn't that how our kids feel?  Isn't that how they got to be with us in the first place?
For an adoption to take place, there has to be a rejection, right?

For some kids, they are able to heal, and we have experienced and been a part of that process for many years.  For other kids, it never ends.  Their hurt is too much, and while they take baby steps for a while, sink back, take more baby steps and even giant leaps, they still sink back, and as parents, we have to understand that this child will not heal easily.  They will be grown and yet not ready to face life.
And you know what? That is where they are, and we have to accept where they are, even if it means they reject our love.
Their stories are not over and 18 is not the magic age of everything being fine, so now you are on your own.

They have a life time of relationships and growing to do, just like everybody does. There will be people who come alongside and speak life into them, just as we have.  They may be in the form of a friend, pastor, significant other, spouse or child....but it will happen.

As I sit here and type, I realize more and more that life is so short, and the time we have with our children is so short.  We MUST make the most of it, even when it is difficult.

Love, even when they scream they don't want it.
Accept, even when they don't want our acceptance.
Reach out, even if they don't take your hand.
Be kind, even if they don't return your kindness.
Reach out, even if they don't respond.
Be available! So when they are ready, they can reach out.
Leave the door open.... they may try at some point to walk through it.
Pray!  Oh Pray!  Prayer is powerful!

And NEVER EVER EVER EVER GIVE UP.... Never, EVER.

Christ loves us.  We are washed in His love daily.  It is palpable for me right now.
The Lord comforts those who mourn. He is near to the broken hearted.
He is the lifter of my head.

And I will walk in faith and TRUST the one who is worthy of my trust!

She's Gone....

Alli was doing well when she first came home, and quickly began to erode away at any semblence of family life.  She has stated numerous times she didn't  want  family and especially didn't want parents.  The reasoning is trauma based and makes no sense if you are trying to make sense of it.

This child can say, "I think you are wonderful parents", "I just don't want parents."

I cannot describe the last  6 weeks.  She went from being great to running away; something she planned out for her 17th birthday.  We talked her into going to her bio sisters house for a week hoping she would settle down, but no. When she came home, on her birthday, she was adamant about moving.
I took her to see the counselor and that was the last time we were together.

We actually stopped to eat at Cracker Barrel.  She ordered her coveted mashed potatoes and gravy.
The very first place we ever ate together was Cracker Barrel in NC and all she would eat was Mashed Potatoes. :)

So, now she is 17. We talked her into staying with our son and daughter in law, who have graciously opened their home for her for a short time, and she did go with them.  (They are treating her as an adult guest)
She is working at a new job which the Lord graciously provided.

Texting her hasn't been very successful. She doesn't want to talk.  We are blocked from FB or Instagram.

She wants to live her life how she wants to live it.  She said, "I don't want to be told what to do, or that I have school or that I have bed time, or need to get up. I don't want anybody to tell me what to do. "  "I want to do what I want to do, when I want to do it, eat what I want, when I want, sleep when I want, when I want, get up, or do school when I want to."

And the sad part is, the only thing we were telling her by then was, "You may not have relations with a 25 year old man"..... She was doing what she wanted and she still left.

TRAUMA is horrid.  This child is the long term result of long term trauma.  Our 6 years of intensive, connected, purposeful, intervention could not stop the tidal wave of behaviors that have been a part of our lives all this time.
She would have periods of doing great, and then fall backwards into old fears.  That I get.
But this? I honestly don't get this.  She threw her Summit program notebook in the trash, and is choosing a dead end.  I fear for her safety and where she will go from here.
We have done ALL we can do.

She is in the hands of the Lord. She always has been, but today, it is more of a reality.

Why do people reject love?  Why do they knowingly run towards destruction?
Those are questions I will probably ask the rest of my life. :(

Sooo, unless I have anything positive to say regarding the two girls who are no longer home, I am going to focus my attention on the two who remain and are doing fabulous.

I don't know what else to say.....