His Mercy

"His Mercies Are New Every Morning"

A Thought

In this life we can not always do great things. But we can do small things with great love.." :) Mother Teresa

Prayer Quote

“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.”
― C. S. Lewis


I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)

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Thursday, February 16, 2017

She's Gone....

Alli was doing well when she first came home, and quickly began to erode away at any semblence of family life.  She has stated numerous times she didn't  want  family and especially didn't want parents.  The reasoning is trauma based and makes no sense if you are trying to make sense of it.

This child can say, "I think you are wonderful parents", "I just don't want parents."

I cannot describe the last  6 weeks.  She went from being great to running away; something she planned out for her 17th birthday.  We talked her into going to her bio sisters house for a week hoping she would settle down, but no. When she came home, on her birthday, she was adamant about moving.
I took her to see the counselor and that was the last time we were together.

We actually stopped to eat at Cracker Barrel.  She ordered her coveted mashed potatoes and gravy.
The very first place we ever ate together was Cracker Barrel in NC and all she would eat was Mashed Potatoes. :)

So, now she is 17. We talked her into staying with our son and daughter in law, who have graciously opened their home for her for a short time, and she did go with them.  (They are treating her as an adult guest)
She is working at a new job which the Lord graciously provided.

Texting her hasn't been very successful. She doesn't want to talk.  We are blocked from FB or Instagram.

She wants to live her life how she wants to live it.  She said, "I don't want to be told what to do, or that I have school or that I have bed time, or need to get up. I don't want anybody to tell me what to do. "  "I want to do what I want to do, when I want to do it, eat what I want, when I want, sleep when I want, when I want, get up, or do school when I want to."

And the sad part is, the only thing we were telling her by then was, "You may not have relations with a 25 year old man"..... She was doing what she wanted and she still left.

TRAUMA is horrid.  This child is the long term result of long term trauma.  Our 6 years of intensive, connected, purposeful, intervention could not stop the tidal wave of behaviors that have been a part of our lives all this time.
She would have periods of doing great, and then fall backwards into old fears.  That I get.
But this? I honestly don't get this.  She threw her Summit program notebook in the trash, and is choosing a dead end.  I fear for her safety and where she will go from here.
We have done ALL we can do.

She is in the hands of the Lord. She always has been, but today, it is more of a reality.

Why do people reject love?  Why do they knowingly run towards destruction?
Those are questions I will probably ask the rest of my life. :(

Sooo, unless I have anything positive to say regarding the two girls who are no longer home, I am going to focus my attention on the two who remain and are doing fabulous.

I don't know what else to say.....


Tracy said...

Christie- I am a long time follower of your blog. I am so sorry to hear about your girl. That is heart breaking. I know you have tried your best. Kids do make their own choices, though they may be through the veil of trauma. I will pray for you and Alli that all those seeds of love that you have planted inside her will allow her to come back to you someday. It may take lots of time, but I think she will feel differently after she matures. Hugs and prayers to you now, though!!

Ellen said...

I am so sorry Christie. I know how hard you have tried to help Alli feel love. The outcome right now may not be what you would hope for but I am encouraged by the fact that she is working, she is living with her brother and her choices are not nearly as bad as they might have been without all the input and love you have given her. I hope as she matures she is able to find her way back to the family at whatever distance she can tolerate.

Brian said...


I don't know if the site alerts you to posts from older posts so.....this may never reach your eyes.

I want to say that I dearly hope you will continue to write about your emotions as the parent. We have all learned and I use your posts as a way to pray specifically for you. Many years ago you touched my heart (FRUA) and to this day, the Lord still places you and your children on my heart. Probably sounds weird to anybody out there who is not a believer but there you have it!
Over the years I have applied some of what you shared to (ideally) anticipate or remediate stuff in my own life as it related to my child we adopted. I'm sorry. For you. For your husband. For the other girls. For A. It's awful when. we understand fully that we cannot control the choices of another, especially the ones we love with our entire being. More than awful, it's brutal, isn't it?

So please, as you see fit and feel led, share when and how you can. Do you see my e-mail? If so, we can chat offline, if you'd like. Believing for the best, my friend.

You Are Still Holy