"anybody who tells you something different is selling something".
Well, I bet you can guess what THIS post is going to be about!
Life is ongoing for our little family just as it is for yours! We have been busy living it!
We are also busy recovering from some VERY painful experiences that have happened. There are just 4 of us left at home as all girls are adults and off living life! Each of them knows they are loved and cherished. Each of them are unique and special in their own ways.
And then there is me..... When I started this blog back in 2007, I was full of excitement and hope, fear and trepidation all rolled into one as we explored our experiences together. There was so MUCH to learn about adoption, language aquisition, parenting kids from hard places, being a grand mother, (Ya Ya for me). I wanted to capture childhood joy, and the experiences to save a memoir for our girls. Long before blogging, there were things written down in journals, but they aren't the same. And I wasn't as faithful to write things down about the guys. Blogging has helped me with parenting children who have come from very hard places by writing about our experiences. They are dated and when something comes up, I can go back the year before and see if we are repeating something.
But one of the things about blogging is that it is important to be honest and not paint a false picture.
I have strived to do that.
The thing about life is that it is messy. There isn't this perfect life that is all wrapped up in a neat little package at the end of each blog post, or each day. The daily act of loving another human being can be full of joy and full of sorrow.
The last 4 years have had wonderful times and more sorrow than I ever dreamed possible. I am reminded that our dear Savior was a "man of sorrow, acquainted with grief." HE bore OUR shame and took upon Himself our wickedness, our sin and carried it for us. AND he carries OUR burdens, if we let Him.
I have a tendency to give my burdens to the Lord, and then sometimes take them back, and realize that I REALLY DO need to give them completely over to God. It is so freeing!
As a mom you want to love all of your children well, listen to them well, understand them well, and sometimes we fail, especially when we are in the midst of working through our own grief and trauma.
Some of our children are better at expressing themselves than others. Some will come to us and talk, talk, talk, and then others of our children are quiet. They have a harder time expressing pain and sorrow or even expressing that you have not listened well.
AND I NEED TO BE SENSITIVE AND REMEMBER THAT! A quiet spirit doesn't mean there isn't something going on internally.
Each of our children will suffer grief from difficulties in life. We need to take that time to LISTEN and not try to FIX; Listen and not assume and then, pray. Pray for wisdom for your precious children. Pray for wisdom for yourself. And when you FAIL, which we all do, ask for forgiveness for not taking the time, or for being too self focused.
Remember also, that we are but dust, flawed and imperfect in every way. Yet GOD loves us with an unconditional love, and moves in our hearts to conform us to HIS image.... one part at a time.
We are in a place of two of our girls living at home and going to college, exploring relationships and experiencing LIFE as young adults.
They tell us we are old... but we have a secret.... :) We LIKE planting flowers and fixing things up. :)
I sat down the other night to talk with one of our girls and she disclosed that she didn't feel that I had been listening well to her. She didn't want to burden me with her thoughts, as she felt I was already burdened enough.
That was crushing to my heart. As we were talking, which was a GOOD and much needed talk, I told her how sorry I was that I had NOT been listening to her like she needed me to.
She needs SLOW, methodical time. She cannot be rushed. And she had felt rushed and looked over.
Interestingly, I had a similar conversation with one of my sons a couple of years ago, when he said, "You don't ask how we are doing anymore." "We want you to ask us how we are too! " This was during a very difficult time, and he was right. I was too sad to look up, and I was too self focused, missing out on the joys that were ongoing; I guess I'm a slow learner.
We are ALL healing, and this is another step in that direction. Mom, Dad and Me books are back out and in use. I don't want to miss an opportunity, and some things are just so very hard to talk about face to face.
Precious girls. Precious boys. ALL of them grown up!
Joy is so much more joyful because of overcoming the pain. We wouldn't know how blessed we truly are if we didn't experience the other side.
“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.”
― C. S. Lewis
― C. S. Lewis
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. And I believe in God even when He is silent. (quote found on the wall of a concentration camp)